A Journey Back Home

2012-01-23T02:01:00.002-05:00

Bismillaah

Ideas in my otak right now. Would like to write something about these titles,inshaAllaah.

Zaman 'McGyver' sudah berlalu

Tunggu Sinki pecah, tangan koyak dan marah orang lain pulak?

Kerjaya 'Sdn Bhd'

2012-01-11T08:54:00.004-05:00

Bismillaah

I first met him in a 'majlis ceramah'

He was speaking as a senior from the US to us; students who were going to the Uncle Sam's land

Never was in my mind that he would be the other half of me

Now he still speaks in 'majlis-majlis ceramah'

and the proud abah of our Hajar, Adam, Maryam, and the little one inside me

Sanah helwa

As you enter another year in your life

May Allaah bless your time

May Allaah bless your life

Increase you in eeman and righteousness

2011-12-07T02:07:00.005-05:00

Bismillaah

I am not a poet

Though i wish i could be one

this is not a song

Though i am singing with it inside my heart

Sometimes

As i am gazing to the sky

Admiring the creation of Allaah The Most High,

The sun, the moon, and the stars

i kept thinking of what are there beyond the sky

vast universe, million years of light

Reminding me of my small self

Though i might be smaller than a particle of dust,

In comparison to the galaxies in the universe,

Allaah has perfected my creation

In every details of me, my mind, body, and soul

i am here with a purpose so clear

To serve and to worship my Lord, Allaah azzawajall

I am His creation

Living with every blessing borrowed from Him

For one day i shall return

To meet Him

2011-09-25T05:56:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

Bed Bugs

Satu perkara yang perlu diambil perhatian ketika berada di Los Angeles ialah kehadiran sejenis serangga parasit seperti kutu dipanggil 'bed bugs' yang biasanya bersembunyi di dalam tilam, karpet, pakaian dan tempat-tempat yang gelap.

Serangga ini selalunya akan keluar pada waktu malam dan akan menghisap darah. Kesan gigitan serangga ini akan menyebabkan bekas seperti ruam yang sangat gatal. Bilangannya sangat banyak dan akan meninggalkan kesan seolah-olah ruam di sekitar kaki, lengan, dan badan.

Bed bugs boleh merebak dari satu tempat ke tempat yang lain melalui tilam terpakai yang dijangkiti yang dijual ataupun juga daripada beg-beg yang dimasukinya. Apabila beg tersebut dibawa ke tempat lain, Bed Bugs akan ikut sekali dan berpindah ke tempat baru!

Kami sekeluarga juga terkena serangan Bed Bugs ini. Pada mulanya, ibu ke pusat kesihatan universiti untuk mendapatkan nasihat mengenai 'ruam' yang dialami kami sekeluarga. Doktor di klinik hanya mampu memberi ubat sapu dan menasihatkan agar kami menukar tilam kerana dia berpendapat ruam tersebut adalah disebabkan gigitan serangga.

Apartment yang kami sewa sebenarnya sudah didiami Bed Bugs memandangkan penyewa sebelumnya berpindah disebabkan tidak tahan dengan gangguan tersebut. Jiran beragama Islam dari Pakistan yang tinggal di tingkat bawah sangat risau mendengar suara Adam selalu menangis dan menyangka Bed Bugs menjadi penyebabnya. Dia sangat berbaik hati untuk datang ke apartment kami dan memaklumkan tentang kehadiran Bed Bugs di dalam apartment tersebut.

Dengan berbekalkan gambar bekas gigitan Bed Bugs, abah turun ke pejabat pengurusan apartment dan melaporkan hal tersebut. Selang beberapa hari, pengurusan apartment bertindak membuang tilam dan menggantikan karpet apartment. Semburan racun bed bugs juga dilakukan.

AlHamdulillaah, apartment nampak lebih bersih dari sebelumnya. Akan tetapi, bed bugs yang tahan lasak masih bersisa. Oleh itu, kami mengambil keputusan untuk mencari apartment lain dan meminta perlepasan kontrak daripada apartment sekarang memandangkan kontrak setahun penyewaan masih berbaki 6 bulan lagi. AlHamdulillaah, pihak pengurusan memahami situasi kami yang mempunyai anak-anak kecil dan bersetuju menamatkan kontrak tanpa sebarang penalti.

2011-08-20T08:25:00.006-04:00

Bismillaah

Hari pertama menjejak kaki di Lapangan Terbang Antarabangsa Los Angeles atau lebih popular dengan LAX, waktu Maghrib sudah menjengah. Alhamdulillaah sebelum bertolak dari tanah air, kami sudah menghubungi seorang Malaysia yang berada di Los Angeles untuk menjemput kami di LAX. Encik Fakhrul dan isteri beliau,Nicky, menyambut kami di tengah kesibukan LAX dengan penuh ramah walaupun baru pertama kali bersua. Menyedari kami agak keletihan dan dengan cuaca yang agak sejuk, beliau segera membantu memunggah beg-beg pakaian yang banyak ke dalam van. Malam itu kami terus ke sebuah motel berdekatan University of Southern California, USC memandangkan kami belum menjumpai rumah sewa yang sesuai.

Alhamdulillaah, perjalanan daripada LAX ke motel hanya mengambil masa kira-kira 45 minit. Kami mengambil peluang menikmati pemandangan bandaraya penuh cahaya dan warna-warni sambil terkesima dengan kesibukan freeway Los Angeles. Jalannya luas dan bilangan kenderaannya sangat banyak dan bergerak pada kelajuan yang pantas. Disebabkan trafik di LA yang sangat sibuk, pihak berkuasa menyediakan carpool lane khas untuk kenderaan yang dinaiki oleh lebih seorang penumpang untuk menggalakkan orang berkongsi kenderaan dan mengurangkan bilangan kenderaan di atas jalan raya. Biasanya, laluan carpool akan lebih lancar daripada laluan biasa. Pemandu yang bersendirian akan disaman sekiranya menggunakan laluan carpool.

2011-08-17T10:23:00.003-04:00

Bismillaah

Flash back:

"You can collect your passports tomorrow. Enjoy LA!" said the officer at the US embassy as we completed the visa application procedure. We were going to the USA in a few weeks.

Enjoy LA!:

Setiap kali teringat kata-kata pegawai kedutaan Amerika Syarikat di Kuala Lumpur tersebut, pasti terasa kesyukuran kepada Allaah. Ramai yang pergi ke Los Angeles atau Amerika Syarikat untuk melancong, membeli-belah, atau bersuka-ria kerana Los Angeles khususnya adalah tempat yang penuh hiburan. Dari artis-artis terkenal, Hollywood, Universal Studios, Disneyworld, Kodak Theatre, pantai-pantai dan pusat membeli-belah, Los Angeles menawarkan pelbagai keseronokan duniawi. Alhamdulillaah, kami ke Los Angeles bukan sekadar mengejar glamor kota tersebut, tetapi mengejar peluang belajar ke peringkat lebih tinggi, membina ukhuwaah sesama saudara, dan mengikuti peluang menambah ilmu dan pengalaman di kalangan masyarakat Muslim di sana.

Rasa bersyukur dan gembira di hati apabila peluang untuk meneruskan pelajaran di Los Angeles, Amerika Syarikat diberikan oleh Allaah Ta'ala. Bumi Amerika sememangnya satu tempat yang menyimpan banyak kenangan pahit manis semasa pengajian sarjana muda beberapa tahun lalu. Antara yang memberi kesan mendalam adalah kelana menuntut ilmu duniawi dan ukhrawi di sana. Pemergian ke sana sekali lagi juga didorong kuat oleh keinginan merasai kemanisan kelana menuntut ilmu, Alhamdulillaah.

Kali ini pemergian diserikan dengan kehadiran suami dan anak-anak tersayang. Kehadiran mereka sudah tentu menambahkan seri dalam perkongsian musafir dan perjuangan menuntut ilmu.

2011-06-07T04:21:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

I like this:

Mental health tips. . .

Don't listen to the little demon in your head that says you can't do this. You can do it, you will do it, in fact, you are doing it. If you've been accepted on a phd then your supervisor, your institution and your funding body (if you have one) all believe in you; so make sure that you remember to believe in yourself once in a while.

Your thesis does not have to be perfect, it merely has to be good enough (although this is still difficult to achieve, it is infinitiely more achievable than 'perfect')

I borrowed it from the postgraduateforum

2011-06-07T01:15:00.008-04:00

bismillaah

orang kata, Beginners are plenty, but only a few reach the finishing line!
Feels like a slap on the face for me who is definitely in the midst of struggling to keep my head in the game, and even 'dreaming' of quitting the challenge! I am causing myself confusion and delay!(should I add trouble to that?)

Feeling like writing a motivational book for myself and other postgraduate students to keep on the track and stay alive for the next years to come! Ahah, but surely I have to survive the postgraduate years myself, first inshaAllaah. It will be full off guides for identifying the motivation, keeping it high, and maintaining it throughout life!

I am having confusion over my goals and the have(or must?)-to-do things. I am tied with my institution, my dream, and other personal commitments, yet I want to be free to do things I really like doing like staying at home taking care of my family, visiting my parents without worrying about finishing my PhD, etc. Sounds lame!

I have surfed through the internet and found that my problem is a universal one. Most postgrads will have doubts over their abilities and their motivation at some point during their postgrad studies.Most PhD students will waste their first year in confusion and they definitely will regret wasting that first year(and I am sure I am falling into their shoes!)
Oh wait, that means I am a 'nomal' postgrad student!(I think 'normal' sounds better than 'average' LOL)

Okay, by reading down until this line you might already have the idea of how my 'head' is doing right now. Yup, I am thinking and worrying much about my studies and I am tying myself with my own laziness, procrastination, and endless excuses(they have became huge and complicated these days)

2011-05-17T23:18:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

oul you guss whih lttrs ar missing hr?
My laptop kyboar is mss up an thr ar som lttrs whih ar not going to show up hr

is it just lik this in lif?

w think it is okay to lav out som things thinking that thy wouln't fft th whol pitur

but as you just might hav noti, ths 'small' forgottn things i atually mss up th whol thing!

Just som xampls,

Not waring hijaab

Not prforming solat

Not paying zakat

Not going to masji(for mals ya!)

an all thos iffrnt things that w somhow think that thy ar not that important an w an still surviv an still an b a Muslim! Hllo???

2011-05-16T01:37:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

Along the way
Sometimes I couldn't avoid hurting others' feelings
Was just being me and being human

Along the way
Most people would not want to understand
or accept you the way you are
You are as what they expect you to be
Perfect, flawless and unhuman

Ironic as it seems
but it is the real, hard truth

As much as I dont understand others
They dont understand me as much either
It is a neverending loop

Me with my expectations
and them with theirs

perfect imperfection

2011-04-26T04:10:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

It is on us

of what we did

we've been given the freedom to choose

with sound intellect to be used

so should be wise are our decisions

however

we love our freedom

we use it to the max as we could

we hold great pride for our intellectuality

yet we use logic the most with little reference to Allaah,
He who knows the movements of even every particles of dust?

Islam is simple

yet we want to simplify it even more

Think we know how to handle things with best

so who is better, us or the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon him?

who is smarter, us or our Creator?

Do really 'simpler' always means better?

Think my friend,
Let us think
Let us remember
Let us reflect

Let us go back
That we are created only to worship our Creator
The One and Only
When He told us to do so, we should just do

He created rules to be obeyed,

He gives things that we can carry on our shoulders,
Readily simple and clear,

and our lives will be at best

InshaAllaah

2011-04-22T02:42:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

ALhamdulillaah my lovelyloved ones are doing great. They are unique as individuals in their own ways.

Hajar as usual, loves drawing, coloring, and writing. She knows how to write her name and her siblings' names. She knows how to write her name both in all upper letters and the proper way: Capital H, and the rest small letters. MashaAllaah, she has a bright talent in art. She also loves helping ibu cleaning and tidying the home. Usually, she will put all the toys and clutters aside before going to bed.

Adam as usual, very playful and adorable. He loves seeking attention and approval from people around him. He is also a very concern brother to his little sister. He was the first child to wake up in the morning and would sit sleepily on the couches. Later on, when ibu was upstairs ironing clothes and when Maryam wake up crying looking for ibu, Adam will hold Maryam's hand and take her through the steps going upstairs carefully. MashaAllaah, ibu love the scene very much.

Our lil girl Maryam is learning to make sentences. She can now speak clearer than before. Her sentences are understandable however short they are. Maryam can also sing her song of everybody 'tido' when she was the only one who still awake when everyone else was fast asleep :).

2011-04-14T22:54:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

I have this bad habit of always being a pessimist,

ok...before I continued writing this just now, I came across this beautiful saying from my dear sister Sarah, barakAllaahu fiki,

Don't despair of your human weaknesses! Remember what Ibn Taymiyyah (r) said: “What really counts are good endings, not flawed beginnings.”

This is my bad habit, always focusing on my weaknesses, my faults, and things that I don't do right. It was all because I don't do things according to their priority, and I was just wandering round and round without clear life plan. What to do?

Just like reading my mind, Sarah continues with this,

Do three things and you will be happy in life, insha Allah!

1-Take action.

2-Rely upon Allah for the results.

3-Thank Allah for everything that you have.

Allah says: "Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life" 16:97 via Sh.Navaid Aziz

Now, this is a blessing of having a righteous friend. Without her even knowing, she spreads the benefits of her thoughts to others, walHamdulillaah. Allaah azzawajall has given me tremendous opportunity of being around good, righteous friends and more, a very humble husband. These are people who always remind me of things that I should remember both directly and indirectly. They teach and lead me through their words and actions. Alhamdulillaah ya Allaah, I can never thank You enough.

O Allaah,

You walk me through my weaknesses

You gave me help in many ways

Alhamdulillaah Thumma laka Alhamd

Give me the opportunity to stare at Your Face

On the day when there is no other shade other than Yours

Allaahumma ameen

2011-03-08T01:42:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

Got Jealousy? Well, you wont be able to enjoy the rest of your life!

~modified from Sh. Navaid Aziz.

-Ask Allaah to increase His blessings on that person whom you are jealous with, and grant you with even greater blessings.

-Recognize the numerous blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and be thankful. May Allaah increase His blessings on you.

2011-03-07T05:55:00.001-05:00

bismillaah

if we refuse to learn/malas nak ambil tahu deeper about the deen, just to make our lives simple...arent we arrogant?

2011-03-01T22:40:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

my oh my
it is too hard battling with oneself
to push harder and move forward
i am putting mountains of excuses all around me

trying hard to find my way
to gain the momentum and drive to push me all the way
the road ahead just seem so blurry and uncertain
I am not sure if my heart is there

what i wanna do and what i have to do
sometimes they just dont go together
how i wish i were strong
how i wish i were firm
to face and brave the wind

O Allaah please show me the way
Guide me to the way that pleases you the most
The way of happiness and serenity
Full of happiness straight into your garden of eternity

2011-01-01T02:53:00.003-05:00

bismillaah

semalam sihat, hari ini sakit
semalam lapang, hari ini sibuk
semalam muda, hari ini tua sehari
semalam kaya, hari ini duit habis
semalam hidup, hari ini mati

nah,
kan telah dipesan untuk menggunakan sebaik-baiknya 5 peluang sebelum datangnya 5 keadaan selepas itu?
masihkah kita alpa?

2010-12-23T05:51:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

thankfulness is free and easy
yet not everyone gives thanks everyday
unbelievable how stingy we are
or how plain arrogant we are

being thankful brings contentment, happiness & beautiful life
yet we still wonder why life is very stressful and dull

2010-12-22T05:23:00.003-05:00

Bismillaah

Menilai satu kehilangan sebagai satu pemberian
Nyata kebijakan Tuhan melebihi fikir kita

Doa dalam diam bercakap terus dengan Dia
Ada harap yang tinggi, malu yang melangit, takut yang menggunung
Semua didengarNya tanpa pilih kasih
Semua terjawab dengan 1001 cara yang Allaah saja yang tahu
Tapi semuanya hanya berupa kebaikan untuk kita
Tiada yang tidak
Lalu, nikmat Allaah manakah yang tidak mau kita syukuri?

2010-12-21T05:10:00.003-05:00

Bismillaah

I have taken the step to progress in my degree, just that it begins slowly and bumpy
I have taken the steps to increase in both my worldly & Islamic knowledge, just sometimes I feel down every now and then

I am older now, a little bit wiser
as I have to be if I ever want to reach the ultimate dream of a Muslim
to be given the priceless opportunity to see His face in the hereafter
to be among the companions & Rasululllaah SAW

May my spirit continues to stay high
May my heart becomes stronger
May my eeman increases every second
May Allaah give me all the blessings and strength that I need

and I realize & surrender,
that I am truly a hopeless soul without Him

2010-12-21T01:46:00.001-05:00

bismillaah

nasihat dari seorang imam
kata-kata dari seorang guru
pesanan dari seorang ulama'
teguran dari seorang teman

semuanya menyegarkan hati
bagaikan titisan hujan di hujung daun
lembut, segar, dan mempesona

2010-12-20T20:41:00.001-05:00

Bismillaah

diam yang tenang
sepi dari tersalah perkataan
sejuk mata yang memandang

2010-10-01T06:49:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

what about my PhD? Next week will be my proposal presentation.

I wonder if we've ever done proposal presentations in front of Allaah before we 'went' into this dunya? All I know is we have testified that Allaah is the Rabb, Lord of the worlds.

However, I do know that we are going to do 'viva presentation' in front of Allaah in order to answer and 'defend' our life's theses.

Most grad students will be very nervous and prepare well for their presentations, be it a proposal presentation or a viva, but do we as humans, are well aware and prepare at our best for our final and crucial 'presentation' in front of God(where it's not us who'll do the talking but our records?)?

I wonder..., and I pray to Allaah that I have used and will use my time on this world wisely to be prepared for the 'grand presentation.'

p/s: if we pass a viva, then we'll get our PhDs, and if we pass the grand presentation. we'll get entrance to Jannah! How cool is that?

2010-10-01T06:44:00.003-04:00

Bismillaah

I am dreaming a life in jannah, where everything is beyond our imagination and everything is in its best.

I am praying to Allaah that He grant me His mercy to be among the inhabitants of jannah, so blessed and successful.

I ask Allaah that He give me iman, ihsan, strength and strong determination to live my life as an abd fits to be an inhabitant of Jannah.

After all,it is only Allaah that matters. This world and everything on it will perish.

2010-08-09T01:14:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

Alhamdulillaah, what a blessing I have, been blessed with beautiful ukhuwwah from my sisters around me. We've gathered and discussed about things that inshaAllaah, will bring us closer to Allaah azzawajall.

For the love of knowledge, we have came and worked together, may Allaah accept it from us and make us steadfast on this effort. Allaahumma ameen.

I admire the sisters & the students of knowledge: their spirit, their ideas, their sacrifices, their sisterhood, their smiles, their words, their courage. BarakAllaahu fikum.

Alhamdulillaah, these things:ukhuwwah and knowledge craving that we dearly miss from our youth, are coming back to us, and Allaah alone who listen and answer His servants, Allaahu akbar.

2010-08-06T11:42:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

Went for the 'Kuliah' sisters during Friday lunch break, Alhamdulillaah, not only I got to listen to beautiful reminders about Ramadhan, also got complimentary lunch and a Ramadhan souvenier: a box of dates!!!

-spread the good news of Ramadhan: with greetings like Ahlan ya Ramadhan, Ramadhan mubarak, etc
-give as much as we can afford during Ramadhan:why not give 'duit raya' in the month of Ramadhan, prior to Syawal ;)
-mmm should add more, but will recall later if possible, inshaAllaah

Jazakumullaahu khayr, thanks a lot especially to Prof Zailina and Ustazah Hamidah.

BarakAllaahu fikum.

2010-08-05T00:16:00.004-04:00

Bismillaah

A journey within the journey, my journey to obtain a certificate to enable me to be called a 'doctor'. I have to make sure it is not just about getting the title or the certificate,but also about improving myself, my knowledge, and most importantly my deen. Plus, to share and to act upon the knowledge.

Allaahumma ameen

:)

2010-08-02T23:48:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

Alhamdulillaah, very fruitful weekend I had last week. I was happy and others were happy.
Yes, it was very tiring, but Jannah is not for Raahat al-nafs.It is gonna be a lifetime struggle!
Not easy indeed.

Sunday, I was sad and happy both at the same time. I was happy to see happy students in my session, but sad to miss the 2nd day of Coolness of The Eyes. I know I have missed tons of pearls for my life. It was a tough decision, May Allaah bless is always on us.

2010-07-22T04:09:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

I am still embarking on the journey of a slave of God in this world. Alhamdulillaah, still here with healthy mind, body, and spirit. Life has been wonderful with its ups and downs. I cant thank Allaah enough for what He has given me.

As a human being, sometimes I feel life is flying fast and sometimes it becomes very slow that the clock feels like ticking very slowly. I know I should have been doing lots of things to make me busy and make my life more meaningful, but sometimes there are moments when I feel like doing nothing, Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim.

There are moments when I did things that I really regretted later on, when things went out of control and when I let my emotion took me over. Thinking it over, reminded me how ungrateful and careless I am. May Allaah forgive me and give me the strength to rectify my faults and overcome my weaknesses.

2010-06-14T23:36:00.002-04:00

Bismillaah

A book read, leads to the second, and it will lead to the third book, and so on.
Reading is always fascinating at how much one will learn from it.

A good book will keep us hooked up until the last page, and will keep us thinking and learning until the end of time. A knowledge gain, should not only make us smarter, but should also make us wiser.

However, how much of our time has been spent on reading? From reading the Qur'an to other reading materials? How do we choose what to read, and which will benefit us or not?

I admit that to start reading is quite a struggle for myself. It is hard to set aside a time to sit and read especially when there are many distractions such as the internet, shopping, etc. *Sigh*
In other words, tons of EXCUSES! No wonder I do not progress much these days, Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim.

May Allaah make it easy for us to make sincere and continuous effort to gain beneficial knowledge. Allahumma ameen.

2010-04-16T04:27:00.000-04:00

Bismillaah

Monday, March 15, 2010

Saya bukanlah orang yang punya kebolehan luarbiasa. Saya hanyalah seorang insan yang sama seperti anda yang sedang membaca coretan ini, tetapi ada sesuatu di dalam diri kita masing-masing yang sangat hebat dan perlu kita sedari.

Kita adalah satu keajaiban kehidupan. Setiap insan memulakan perjalanannya daripada persenyawaan sel terkecil seorang ayah dan sel terbesar seorang ibu. Walaupun jarak di antara permulaan perjalanan sperma dan ovum hanyalah kira-kira 10cm, tetapi oleh kerana sperma adalah sekecil 5mikron, jarak dan cabaran perjalanan yang mesti ditempuhinya adalah ibarat berenang di dalam lautan berasid sejauh puluhan kilometer.

Seringkali kita merasa kecewa dan sedih dengan kehidupan. Pada masa itu, selalunya kita akan merasa rendah diri dan mungkin juga merasa gagal. Anda tidak sendirian kerana jutaan manusia di seluruh dunia juga pernah melalui detik-detik seperti itu. Ia adalah perkara yang normal. Perasaan-perasaan ini hanya akan menjadi negatif jika kita membiarkannya berlarutan dan menguasai emosi kita, dalam erti kata lain, bila kita kurang bijak menangani perasaan-perasaan ini.

Satu formula yang Allaah titipkan kepada kita di dalam al-Quran mengingatkan kita agar memerhatikan kejadian diri kita dan alam sekeliling kita bilamana kita terasa iman lemah dan tidak bermaya.

In Surat al-Baqarah, v.21-22; Allah Says:
{" O mankind! Worship your Lord Who Created you and those who were before you so that you become pious; Who has made the Earth a resting place for you and the sky as a canopy ..."}

MashaAllah, betapa hebatnya proses kejadian seorang manusia. Ia adalah automatik, pantas, sempurna, dan percuma!

Pernahkah anda merenung tentang kepayahan para saintis untuk mengkaji dan cuba membina semula tisu-tisu dan organ manusia? Sesetengah projek kajian memakan masa bertahun lamanya dan ratusan ribu ringgit. Hampir seluruh usaha kajian kejuruteraan tisu adalah kajian yang memakan kos yang amat tinggi dan masa yang sangat panjang. Sungguhpun begitu, belum ada satupun hasil kajian yang dapat menyamai apa yang telah diciptakan Allah secara semulajadi. Semuanya masih gagal untuk mencapai tahap kesempurnaan ciptaan Allah!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

MashaAllaah, hari ini seorang sahabat telah mengirimkan satu e-mail yang memperkatakan tentang perlunya kita kembali merenung tentang kejadian diri kita dan alam sekeliling untuk mengukuhkan keimanan. Baru semalam saya mencoret sedikit tentang kehebatan manusia dan alam ciptaan Allaah ini dan hari ini seseorang di Amerika Utara juga bercakap mengenainya. Ini menunjukkan bahawa kejadian ciptaan Allaah memang amat hebat sehingga ramai manusia sentiasa terpesona dan membicarakan tentang diri mereka, alam, dan Yang Maha Pencipta, al-Khaleeq.

Semalam saya berkesempatan melawat halaman peribadi rakan-rakan di laman sembang Facebook. Seorang rakan menulis di statusnya tentang keinginan dan keperluan beliau untuk menulis. Beliau amat mencintai penulisan dan tujuannya untuk mengabadikan sebanyak mungkin butiran permata yang terjadi dalam kehidupannya dalam bentuk tulisan. Beliau juga menekankan bahawa beliau menulis bukan kerana minta dibaca oleh orang lain, tetapi penulisan beliau adalah ditujukan untuk diri beliau sendiri terutamanya.

Perkara ini mengingatkan saya tentang kepentingan niat. Jika kita berbuat sesuatu untuk disanjung dan dipuja, maka kita akan dapat itu semua. Tetapi, mungkin kita gagal mendapat apa-apa faedah untuk bekalan kita menuju kepadaNya. Moga penulisan ini mendapat bimbingan dan redha Allaah Ta’ala, Allahumma amen.

Wednesday April 14, 2010

Alhamdulillaah, telah sebulan berlalu semenjak tulisan yang terdahulu. Hari ini, saya telah menyiapkan segala dokumen termasuk cadangan penyelidikan untuk melanjutkan pelajar ke peringkat doktor falsafah. Walau bagaimanapun, saya masih menunggu surat sokongan daripada Dr. Iskandar Mansour, pensyarah Bahasa Arab di University of Southern California. Moga Allaah memudahkan urusan permohonan untuk menyambung pelajaran ini.

Kebelakangan ini, hati sering dirundung kesayuan setiap kali berita tentang kematian bayi-bayi yang dibuang dan kanak-kanak yang didera. Betapa kejamnya manusia, sehinggakan bayi dan kanak-kanak yang tidak berdosa, yang telah dikurniakan rupa paras yang begitu comel dan aksi yang manja, dibuang, diseksa, dan dibiarkan mati tanpa belas kasihan. Bayi yang baru lahir, lazimnya semua comel dan akan menarik hati sesiapa yang memandang untuk menjadi sayang kepada bayi tersebut. Bagaimana ‘ibu’ yang melahirkan tergamak membungkus bayinya di dalam surat khabar dan kemudian dibalut plastik sampah sebelum dibuang di merata tempat; dari tempat pembuangan sampah hingga ke sungai? Hati saat ini tertanya-tanya, ada berapa banyak lagi bayi malang yang dibuang dan tidak disedari? Hilang begitu sahaja di sebalik timbunan sampah, atau lebih tragis jika terus rentung menjadi abu terbakar? Dangkalnya iman di hati manusia, sehinggakan membuang bayi dianggap sebagai jalan penyelesaian terdekat. Padahal, perbuatan itu bukan sahaja mendapat kemurkaan Allaah, malah dibenci oleh manusia. Walaupun bayi tersebut tidak dapat terus hidup dan menjadi ‘beban’ kepada ‘ibu’nya, namun di akhirat nanti pasti dia akan menuntut atas ketidak-adilan yang telah terjadi ke atas dirinya. Itulah yang akan menjadi seksa abadi di mana penyesalan sudah sia-sia.

Ya Allaah, kasihanilah anak-anak yang teraniaya ini. Moga kau tempatkan mereka di Jannah di bawah limpahan kasih dan sayangMu yang tidak bertepi. Allaahumma ameen.

Ya Allaah

Telah Engkau berikan keistimewaan ini pada manusia

Hidup sihat, aman, dan bahagia

Untuk punya rasa cinta dan sayang

Untuk bernafas dan tertawa

Dengan percuma

Ya Allaah

Telah Engkau anugerahkan bentuk rupa sempurna

Wajah tampan dan rupawan

Akal sihat untuk pandai menilai

Belajar dan berfikir untuk kelangsungan hidup di dunia

Tapi,

Ya Allaah

Telah kami aniayai anugerah yang Kau berikan

Telah kami siakan peluang luas yang Engkau bekalkan

Telah kami hancurkan hidup kami sendiri

Telah kami zalimi anak-anak kami dengan perbuatan kami

Ya Allaah

Telah kami jerumuskan remaja-remaja kami dengan zina yang tercela

Kami biarkan mereka membunuh bayi-bayi kecil yang suci dengan keji

Kami marah dan mengalirkan air mata, rasa sedih dan perit di dada

Namun,

Terus-terusan saja kami suapkan remaja wanita dan lelaki kami dengan hedonisma

Kami relakan perhubungan antara jantina tanpa batas masa dan usia

Kami relakan mereka keluar berpeleseran atas nama keterbukaan dan kemodenan

Kami lalaikan mereka dengan dunia dan membelakangkan agama

Kerana nyatanya

Kami rela lebih ramai bayi malang dibunuh dan dibuang

Demi takut remaja lelaki dan wanita kami menjadi ahli dalam agamanya

Kerana kami tidak mahu mereka takut kepadaMu

Kerana kami lebih gilakan kuasa dan cintakan dunia

2010-03-02T21:22:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

hatred kills man
internally and externally

hatred hurts no matter what
hatred destroys things around us
hatred burns love faster than a fire burns a house

if its too hard to forget
why cant we forgive?

whats the reason
whats the motivation
spreading rumors and telling fake,bad stories
here and there
now and then?

hatred comes when we gave up to shaytan
hatred lives in us when we follow the evil whispers
nothing is good about it..nothing
if we hate just because of ourselves

2010-02-08T21:47:00.005-05:00

bismillaah

Alhamdulillaah, last weekend was spent on WOTU - worlds of the unseen, taught by ustaadh Yahya Ibrahim of AlKauthar Institute.

Lessons:
- repetition is important. Although we have learned many things about the hereafter life, hearing them being repeated, and corrected is necessary to make us aware about hereafter. Awareness will remind us to prepare for the best...
- make sure the stories that we have heard are based on valid evidence from the Qur'an and sunnah.
- revive the sunnah =) .. be consistent, qaleelan qaleelan soro jabalan

2010-01-29T03:01:00.003-05:00

bismillaah

hiatus...
a very long one :)...

we went back to Malaysia, and the 'nomad' helped us with the huge, heavy boxes. He told us that he was sad because Fazrul was leaving. No one will care about him anymore :( .We hope that he will have a better life in the future, and embrace Islam as a way of life inshaAllah.

Today, I am sitting in the lab while the others are at the hospital. A student in the lab was involved in an accident and had blood clots in the brain. She was on the life machine in the ICU, and today she was confirmed brain-dead. They took off the machine at 300pm. I do not know the student personally because I have just joined the lab, and she was in the ICU a few weeks already.

The athmosphere is gloomy and it is raining outside :(

Life and its sudden stops and breaks, laughter and tears within, colors of the rainbow and the gloomy rainy days.

Take a deep breath, say du'a, and lets move on.

2009-11-15T22:58:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

'Jiran'ku seorang nomad moden
Tiap harinya berbumbung langit
Berteduh awan
Berlantaikan simen yang kadang kala dingin lalu dialas gebar lusuh
Berdindingkan simen di kanan, pagar dawai di kiri, pintu besi di belakang

Apa ada di dalam hatinya
Apa yang bermain dalam benaknya
Selalu jadi tanda tanya
Gembirakah dia, sedihkah dia, sunyikah dia?
Apa dia nomad moden yang hilang harap dalam dunianya?
Siapa teman, di mana sanak saudaranya?

Persoalan yang berlingkar di sebalik sang nomad moden
Adakah itu jalan paling mudah baginya
Atau memang sudah tiada pilihan untuknya

Kenyataan hidup saban hari
Yang senang, yang susah, yang bahagia, yang derita
Yang di istana, yang di jalanan, yang di kota, yang di desa
Terlalu banyak ceritera di sebalik setiap orang mereka
dan si nomad moden hanyalah satu dari jutaan yang ada kisah duka

2009-11-12T18:31:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

Jauh dari sempurna

bukannya kurang atau cacat
tapi masih jauh dari sempurna
jauh bak terpisah dengan tingginya langit

bukannya hodoh atau jelek
tapi masih jauh dari sempurna
bagai dari timur ke barat terentang kekurangan

kita
masih jauh dari sempurna
meski dalam mimpi kita pingin warna-warna indah sempurna

kita
masih jauh dari sempurna
meski dalam angan kita bayangkan bunga dan rerama berterbangan

kita
masih jauh dari sempurna
bahkan mungkin tidak akan pernah mencapai sempurna
tapi sempurna itu milikNya
itu memang benar-benar pasti

kita
masih jauh dari sempurna
maka jadilah pencinta kepada yang Empunya segala kesempurnaan
yang Maha Mencipta sempurna

2009-11-11T20:56:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

depan
belakang
kiri kanan
utara selatan
timur barat

banyak arah, ke mana saja boleh kita tuju
yang manapun bisa kita pilih
(dengan izin Allaah)

adakah kita akan meniti jalan 'mereka yang diberi kenikmatan'
atau adakah kita sedang terpesong ke arah ' mereka yang dimurkai'
atau kita sedang terbungkus kegelapan atas jalan ' mereka yang sesat'
???

kompas mana yang kita gunapakai
peta apa yang kita rujuk
arah angin mana yang kita turut
???

ini persoalan-persoalan
yang jelas
penting
utama
tapi apakah kita benar yakin dan pasti jawapannya
dan di mana keberadaan kita, adakah kita tahu?

2009-11-03T21:05:00.002-05:00

Bismillaah

Suatu ketika dulu, kitalah kanak-kanak kecil itu yang masih berlari-lari dan bermain nakal, dengan penuh senyum tawa gembira, dan sekali-sekala menjerit menangis inginkan permainan yang jadi rebutan antara adik, kakak, dan abang.

Suatu ketika dulu, kitalah kanak-kanak riang yang pergi ke sekolah dengan semangat di awal pagi, walaupun kadang-kala liat untuk bangun pagi.

Suatu ketika dulu, kitalah anak-anak muda yang masih tidak mengerti tentang banyak perkara.

Dan masa itu sudah berlalu, semakin jauh dan semakin pantas.

Waktu ini, kita sudah memikul banyak tanggungjawab dengan pelbagai gelaran dan tugas. Sudah waktunya kita pula yang mendidik anak-anak kecil, membimbing, dan mencorak mereka.

Berdoalah
Berusahalah
dan teruskan melangkah
InshaAllaah :)

2009-10-21T19:55:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

bila kita sempitkan masa untuk Allaah, segalanya akan menjadi sempit dalam hidup ini
bila kita lapangkan masa untuk Allaah, segalanya akan terasa lapang dalam hati & dalam hidup ini

masa kita sekejap, mengapa harus kita sempitkannya lagi?

2009-09-23T11:36:00.004-04:00

bismillaah

yep, its over. Alhamdulillaah, yes we've made it! Allaahuakbar!
... and we are still alive, breathing a different athmosphere than it was a couple of days ago.

in some places, masaajid have became empty...and silent. No more big crowds every evening, no more long, beautiful recitation of the Quran till late night.

in some people, hearts have became sick..and hard. No more tears of fear and hope, no more doses of heart purification...all are leaving..slowly but surely...going going and gone...

another year to come, months to endure ... will we become so sick....and dead...because of this dunya..or will we become so determine to stay alive in every aspects to be able to meet with the blessed month once again...benefitting and staying strong when it ends once again?

2009-09-16T02:49:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

makin sibuk yah ramadhan ini. ada yang sibuk membeli-belah buat persiapan eid il-fitr, ada yang sibuk bermusafir pulang ke kampung halaman, ada yang sibuk mengemas rumah, ada yang sibuk menyiapkan kerja sebelum cuti panjang, ada yang sibuk membuat kira-kira perbelanjaan dan duit raya.

tapi jangan dilupakan juga mereka yang semakin sibuk meningkatkan amalan, sibuk berjaga di malam hari untuk munajat kepada Tuhan. Ditinggalkannya dunia di luar sana buat sementara untuk fokus pada ibadahnya di rumah-rumah Allaah. Harapnya kita lebih kepada kesibukan yang ini, yang lebih membawa manfaat dan harapan menggunung kepada akhirat yang pasti. Biarlah lelah habis-habisan sebelum menyambut kesyukuran di 1 syawal. ameen.

2009-09-11T12:13:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

hmmm...tinggal 1/3...sedikit sahaja yang tinggal...
bagaimana ya corak perjuangan ku 20 hari yang lalu? berkorban kah, terkorbankah, mengorbankan kah?

meriahkah alQuran di jiwa kita ini? atau masih senyap-sunyi dengan helaian yang masih tersusun rapi?

basahkah sudah mata kita ini? atau masih kering kontang dengan hati yang kaku, keras?

lenguhkah sudah kaki kita ini? atau masih senang-senang duduk dan berbaring dalam rehat panjang yang enak?

bagaimana pula dengan kamu?

Ya Allaah, kasihanilah kami...berilah kami kekuatan untuk terus mengemis ampunanMu, untuk terus-terusan bekerja dan berharap untuk taman-taman syurgaMu

2009-08-29T09:48:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

aku mengira hari demi hari, sudah lebih satu per lima ramadhan berlalu..sudahkah diambil peluang secukupnya? atau aku masih kerugian, dan terus membazirkan kesempatan?

aku menyaksikan satu demi satu, hamba-hamba Allaah yang berlumba berbuat kebaikan. Mereka bersengkang mata, ke sana dan ke mari, bekerja keras membantu orang lain, berusaha menyebarkan agama Allaah, menempah rumah-rumah di syurga. Bilakah aku akan punya momentum sekuat mereka?

2009-08-25T00:30:00.003-04:00

bismillaah

sudah tiga hari berlalu. TIGA HARI!!!! sudah 1 per sepuluh Ramadhan pergi. Begitu cepat sedangkan kita masih terkial-kial membina rentak.

teruskan usaha untuk makin dekat kepadaNya, teruskan mengetuk2 di pintu-pintuNya...
teruskan berusaha,memohon, mengharap...merayulah

2009-08-22T14:46:00.003-04:00

bismillaah

Ramadhan ku...

waktu kecil dulu, main concern bila ramadhan tiba ialah lapar dan dahaga yang bakal dilalui. terbayang-bayang betapa letih dan tidak bertenaga sepanjang bulan ramadhan. tempoh 30 hari terasa begitu lama dan menyeksaan.

Alhamdulillaah, itu kisah lama. Sekarang hati berasa teruja bila Ramadhan tiba. Bersyukur yang tidak terhingga bila masih berkesempatan menyambut Ramadhan. Main concern sudah bertukar kepada kemampuan untuk memanfaatkan Ramadhan sepenuhnya, mampukah menjalankan sebanyak-banyak ibadah untuk mendapatkan keampunan Allaah dan 'ajr dariNya. Harapan yang tinggi diletakkan untuk menjadi lebih baik melalui tarbiyyah di sepanjang bulan Ramadhan. Persiapan bukan lagi makan dan minum sebanyak-banyaknya semasa sahur, tetapi lebih kepada membuat jadual harian, senarai doa yang ingin dipohon, dan perkara-perkara berkaitan yang boleh membantu fokus di dalam bulan Ramadhan. 30 hari tidak lagi terasa lama, bahkan terasa begitu cepat berakhir dan berlalu pergi.

Moga kita semua beroleh kejayaan abadi

2009-08-09T18:22:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

berjalan menyisir tepian pantai, anak-anak teruja dan gembira melihat indahnya biru kehijauan air laut di bawah sana. SubhanAllaah, bila berjalan melihat alam ciptaan Tuhan memang tiada alasan untuk tidak mengucapkan pujian, untuk mengucapkan syukur, untuk berasa bertuah..

duduk di atas rumput yang hijau, ditiup angin dingin yang segar
bermain di pasir pantai yang lembut, menunggu ombak yang beralun menyentuh kaki
Alhamdulillaah segar..

meredah malam, terlihat indah bulan mengambang
biar lampu neon bertebaran, cahaya bulan tetap gah di atas sana
mashaAllaah...alam ini mmg indah..

~friday august 07.09 ISGV da'wah talk
~saturday august 08.09 San Diego beach..muslims families picnic

2009-08-08T04:05:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

bagai seorang pemandu kehilangan GPS nya
bagai si celik yang hilang penglihatannya
bagai si buta yang hilang tongkatnya
terpinga-pinga, hilang arah
boleh jadi pening
boleh jadi letih
mencari arah yang betul
bisa tersesat mencari jalan

kalau seorang manusia tiada petunjuk dari Allaah
tanpa hidayah dalam kehidupannya
berpusing-pusing dalam kegelapan
letih, hilang harap dalam mencari jalan yang benar, lurus
terus sesat dalam kezaliman dirinya

ya Allaah,
tunjukkan kami jalan yang lurus
tetapkan hati kami dalam hidayahMu

~GEMS gotten on the way back from Br.Yusha Evans'/WhyIslam lecture at Islamic Center of San Gabriel, CA

2009-08-07T19:48:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

alhamdulillaah, hari ini masih hidup
aku bersyukur masih diberi nikmat Iman dan Islam
aku bersyukur masih dikelilingi keluarga dalam kesihatan dan rezeki yang cukup
masih punya makanan, minuman, tempat tinggal, dan kenderaan

aku bersyukur masih boleh berfikir,melihat, mendengar, menghidu,berjalan
masih punya tubuh badan yang sihat, anggota badan yang boleh bergerak
masih boleh tersenyum dan gembira
masih boleh menangis dan menginsafi diri

2009-08-01T16:49:00.004-04:00

bismillaah

sudah agak lama ya....in hiatus...tidak ke mana pun, cuma di sini saja. Mungkin ada summer class..seminggu dua. Mungkin ada confinement period...sebulan dua. However, I am still here doing my things, living my life, loving my deen, and treasuring every moments with my loved ones. Sometimes, it is pretty hard to start writing..not finding the momentum yet.. :) ..

Men have two options to choose for their lives: either thriving to the highest level of nobility in the eyes of God, or going to the lowest of the low...

2009-06-26T23:58:00.003-04:00

bismillaahir rahman irrahim

teman, mungkin sudah bertahun berlalu semenjak kita mula kenal, mungkin sudah bertahun kita tidak bersua muka, mungkin sudah bertahun kita terpisah antara jarak beribu batu

teman, mungkin kita sudah lupa sesama kita, mungkin kita kadang-kadang teringat kembali memori lama, mungkin kita sudah tidak tahu bagaimana untuk berhubung semula

teman, atas kehendak Allaah kita semua ditemukan, dan atas aturan dariNya juga kita membawa haluan ke utara, selatan, timur dan barat, membawa arah menghayun langkah mengikut arus masa yang tidak pernah berhenti berubah

teman, moga kita diberikan ketetapan iman, tetap thabat di atas jalanNya...

2009-06-07T17:28:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

siapa yang ingin tahu apa yang telah berlaku pada kita kini..adakah perubahan yang melanda, apakah pembaharuan yang terjadi.

siapa yang tahu setiap perincian peristiwa yang berjuta-juta di setiap saat dari seluruh pelosok dunia

kita tidak mampu untuk sentiasa penuh pengetahuan tentang segalanya, sentiasa tahu apa yang terjadi di sini dan di sana, dan apa yang terdetik di hatiku, hatimu, dan hatinya

Hanya Dia...

2009-05-21T12:38:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

saban hari bumi Los Angeles mengalami gegaran, dan setiap kali juga ia mengingatkan tentang dahsyatnya hari terakhir dunia nanti. Sungguh menggerunkan dan menginsafkan. Kata seorang civil engineer, sekurang-kurang 70 kali sehari ada gempa dari pelbagai skala tetapi orang ramai tidak menyedarinya mungkin kerana sudah lali atau terlalu lemah gegarannya. Apapun, struktur bangunan di sekitar bumi ini memang terkena impaknya dan bangunan-bangunan menghadapi risiko struktur yang terjejas.

Beberapa hari lepas, gegaran yang terasa agak kuat, sempat cemas seketika dan tidak putus-putus memanjatkan doa kepada yang Maha Pengasih agar dijauhkan dari segala keburukan. Dua tiga hari seterusnya, gegaran masih terasa saban hari. Mungkinkah peringatan dan amaran dari Tuhan?

2009-05-08T20:43:00.003-04:00

bismillaah

its this time again of the year
people smiling, people crying

a week full of typing in front of the screen, reading from cover to cover
writing, scribbling, calculating, thinking, and praying

good luck all,
May Allaah make us among those who are blessed with beneficial knowledge
and blessed with the ability to utilize and share it...

2009-04-28T10:53:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

ramai, begitu ramai yang jarang bersyukur
selalu kita lupa melihat bahagian yang lebih baik dari sesuatu perkara
yang tampak jelas cuma yang jelek dan yang kurang sempurna di mata kita

merungut, mencela, berbagai cara
semua tidak kena, semua tidak kita suka
kita lupa untuk bersyukur, selalu lupa....

lupa siapa yang Maha Pemberi Rezeki
lupa siapa yang Maha Memerhati
kita lupa untuk berterima kasih..
kita lupa untuk rendah diri

2009-04-21T22:03:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

bila ada presiden sebuah negara mengatakan tentang kebenaran
berlandaskan fakta-fakta yang terpahat dalam sejarah
tentang saudara kita, umat kita
spontan mereka menjerit-jerit protes
lalu pemimpin-pemimpin mereka terus berdiri dan beredar

dikatakannya presiden itu melaungkan kebencian
ditohmah ucapannya sebagai mengarut
bilamana ucapan itu didahului dengan memuji Tuhan Sekalian alam
dan mengandungi rentetan peristiwa malang
yang cuba mereka sembunyikan di sebalik ribuan warna penipuan dan alasan

ini dunia yang mereka corakkan sekarang
Yahudi dan sekutunya yang sombong dan rakus

2009-04-13T15:46:00.003-04:00

Bismillaah

not my work, but wanna to share for us to reflect on it...

2009-04-05T01:32:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

it is NOT funny,
it is SAD
VERY sad indeed

why do some people degrade themselves?
why do some people turn away from Allaah?
why do some people feel 'good' for being worse day after day?
why do some people think they are not 'cool' for being a good 'abd Allaah?
why do some people think like these?

why do we run away from the 'promised gardens' to the misery of this world and the hereafter?

"There is no mercy outside of obeying of Allaah and His Messenger"
~ Bro Nouman

2009-03-31T05:59:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

mengadu, merintih, mengemis
biarlah hina di sisiNya
dalam mencari kemuliaan nilaian neraca Maha Adil

perit, getir, payah
biarlah bersusah di jalanNya
dalam mencari kemanisan hidup anugerah Maha Penyayang

miskin, papa, kedana
biarlah merana di perjuangan kepadaNya
dalam mencari kesenangan abadi janji Maha Pemurah

2009-03-28T23:46:00.003-04:00

Bismillaah

Ia mungkin sudah lama
Tapi masih boleh seperti baru
Ia mungkin sudah acapkali diulang
Tapi masih boleh tetap segar

Ulang dan ulanglah
apa yang baik untuk didengar, dibaca, ditatap, dipelajari
Pasti ada sesuatu yang akan dikutip dalam setiap ulangan
jangan bosan, nanti terlepas mutiara yang bergemerlapan

Satu fakta, sejuta makna...

2009-03-24T08:57:00.002-04:00

bismillaah

cebisan-cebisan kecil
terpisah-pisah tanpa makna
lalu dikutip dan dicantumkan bersama
mejadi satu karya
boleh menjadi indah dengan makna yang sarat

2009-02-27T22:11:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

bila fokus pada luaran
jangan terlalu fokus sampai lupa pada dalaman

nanti melemah, kelam, kusam, hitam, padam
dalaman rapuh, geropos, dan penuh cacat cela

bila mau berubah, saat ini paling tepat
jangan ditunggu seminit lagi, 5 minit lagi, nanti, esok, atau selepas 40 tahun
bukan kenapa,
nanti kita bisa lupa, rasa terlalu lewat, atau tidak berkesempatan sama sekali
kalau dimulai saat ini, harapnya dapat momentum bonus dari Ilahi
segalanya mungkin bukan

2009-02-03T11:27:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

a long pause
a long interval

but life goes on
it never stops
not before the last breath

morning, day, and night
waking up, working, and sleeping
and these are not all
for an 'abd life has so much more than that

Alhamdulillaah

2009-01-08T21:36:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

-yahudi-
they dont bother what the world are saying
they care about nothing but themselves
they are the obvious tyrants
no need to introduce them anymore

O muslimeen,
fight them with every might
your hearts, your words, your limbs
fight them with your dua'a
in every prayer, in every chance

ya Allaah,
please forgive us...
make the muslims victorious
make the muslims stronger fighters
make the muslims mujahideen
anta maulana, fansurna a'la al-qaum il-kafirin

*umm Maryam, ana ingin sekali mengetahui bagaimana keadaan di tanah suci Madeenah berikutan keadaan Palestine

2009-01-02T17:22:00.002-05:00

bismillaah

perkhabaran duka dari tanah perjuangan, syuhada bermandi darah di tanah itu
anak-anak kecil dan ibunya, ayahnya, dan sanak saudara tiada yang terkecuali
semuanya pejuang dalam medan yang kejam dan zalim

pejuang terus menentang dan terus bertahan
meski penzalim dan pengganas itu terus menggila
bangga dengan kerakusan lebih keji dari haiwan
meski pemimpin Amerika dengan angkuhnya tetap memuji pengganas nyata itu

sang ustaz berkata, jangan memainkan peranan mangsa
tetapi hidupilah semangat juara
kerana si pengganas itu memang akan tetap begitu, rakus dan kejam
kita semua harus merubah apa yang ada
kita semua harus bangkit dan mara

2008-12-23T02:49:00.002-05:00

Bismillaah

He is just 10 years old, yet he has became the 'iron man'
he is the muslim hero in school
for defending the good name of Abu Bakr, the companion of Rasulullaah pbuh
for standing up for what is right
for doing it the smart, right way

He is just six years old, yet he is a haafidh
he memorizes the whole Qur'an
Only SIX years living on this dunya
But he already has the Qur'an in his heart

I am way older than they are
but have done much less in comparison

2008-11-16T14:28:00.000-05:00

bismillaah

Anugerah yang Maha Esa membuatkan aku ingin menulis
Setiap hari aku hidup dengan segala nikmat dariNya
iman dan Islam ini
Alhamdulillaah

Kasih Sayang yang Maha Pengasih membuatkan aku ingin berkongsinya
setiap hari hidupku terisi dengan segala kasih dan sayang
keluarga dan cahaya mata
teman dan kawan
MashaAllaah

Janji ampunan yang Maha Pengampun mengingatkan aku untuk terus mengetuk pintuNya
setiap hari ku diberi peluang untuk kembali dan menghapus
kesalahan yang lebih luas dari lautan
daki dosa yang lebih hitam dari malam yang pekat
kelalaian yang lebih tinggi dari gunung
Astaghfirullaah

dan banyak lagi yang tidak pernah bisa terungkap dengan pena...

2008-11-07T23:21:00.000-05:00

Bismillaah

Allaahumma aghfirlana, zunubana

internet scam: offers that are too good to be true
so beware
low prices followed by bait-n-change
so be wise

the same applies on many other aspects of our daily lives
youth and beauty
strength and health
all are beautiful but they dont last

'small' mistakes followed by another
seems like they'll never harm us
but deep inside we all know
how they hurt us
and our hearts are dying..
slowly and painfully

let us think, reflect, and act
before death come to our door
before our sins follow us to the grave

2008-10-31T15:55:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

my bike was collecting dust
standing still outside over the weekend

mm's thick of dust
settling slowly on my bike

2 days that's all it takes
for my bike to be fully covered
looking so old and dirty
while it was looking good and shiny on Friday

how long will it take
for our 'still' hearts to be covered with 'dust'?

2008-10-19T12:15:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

wa rabbaka fakabbir
magnify your God...
no rewards will ever be greater than His
no punishment will ever be more severe than His

clean your heart before you speak to others.
for inshaAllaah, words from purified heart are more effective and long lasting.

fight shaytan
it is the greatest enemy

-GEMs borrowed from Sh. Abd Bary Yahya's 'Diseases of The Heart'

2008-10-18T10:44:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

computer programming
tough when one does not know what is wrong
the codes look alright
but the error message comes out whenever s/he hits the run button

Will life be just as tough,
when we feel and look okay
when we do not realize that we make mistakes
but somehow, the 'error message' shows up

when the heart is sick
when committing sins were not followed with repentance
when we do not realize hearts are badly injured and suffering
we just do not feel it inside
but somehow we commit more sins
and less good deeds
and less tranquility

of course we will need to learn more
to understand which and why
to identify and rectify

A'fwan, it is common when people seldom blog when they are busy with other things i.e work, school, family, etc =), so do I.

2008-10-13T13:56:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

let's review facts from seerah :)

Rasulullaah salallaahu a'layhi wa salam first 4 projects in Madinah:

1.Masjid
2.Brotherhood
3.Covenant
4.Army

=)

2008-10-08T18:40:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

dua topik dekat di hati:

1-Puasa Enam 6 Hari di bulan Syawal

mungkin ada yang sudah menyempurnakannya, mungkin ada yang masih tengah berpuasa, mungkin juga ada yang belum bermula..banyak jemputan jamuan raya barangkali?
a.k.a banyak makan..heh...tapi, masih belum terlambat untuk memulakan hari pertama :) inshaAllaah

2-Rasulullaah salallaahu a'layhi wa salam

sirah sirah, ramai kata sejarah boring..tapi mungkin itu khas untuk sejarah negara, dunia, etc.

sirah / sejarah / biografi Rasulullaah salallaahu a'layhi wa salam adalah tersendiri..tak pernah rasa bosan, timbul kecintaan :)
ambil langkah belajar atau review balik sirah Rasulullaah salallaahu a'layhi wa salam..inshaAllaah..joM =) !

2008-10-07T13:50:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

RAMADHAN: 12 MONTHS to go..

post Ramadhan: what do I do?

I like this, and would like to share it with you.

As salamu alaykum ,
Here is a Quran review technique that I think you'll find
especially helpful post Ramadan.

***********************************
How to Maintain Memorized Quran
By Muhammad Alshareef, courtesy of www.DiscoverULife.com

Ramadan is the month of Quran. Many start the month off
with lofty Quran reading and memorization goals, and many
hit what they intended DURING Ramadan.

Maintaining consistency after Ramadan, however, is an
entirely different story.

The Shaytans are out and about, daily routines start
obstructing us once again. And the Quran, "respectfully"
returns to our shelves. Sure we feel guilty, but guilt is
not the greatest of motivators.

You need tried and proven routes to capture your
post-Ramadan Quran reading and memorization and review
goals.

Here is my favorite:
Re-memorize Quran you have trouble remembering, and recite
it every Salah chance you get for the entire day.

Step 1: Lets say you have 1 Juz' memorized (equivalent of
about 20 pages).
Step 2: Take 1/2 a page of those 20 pages
and RE-memorize it today.
Step 3: Recite that 1 page in your prayers all day long.

There are certain Surahs that you know like the back of
your hand, like Surat AlFatiha, Qul Huwal Allahu Ahad, for
instance. Why do you know them so well? Cause you read
them, like, ALL THE TIME in Salah.

If you use this technique I'm talking about here, these new
Quran pages can become just as strong, in sha Allah.

With best wishes to see you succeed at the highest level!
- Muhammad Alshareef

2008-10-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

yes, it is syawal already
ramadhan has gone, have to wait for one year, again...

tapi semangat ramadhan, takkan habis bersama 1 syawal? bolehkan bertahan untuk setahun?
recharge sebulan, untuk guna setahun

charger tu kenala power, masa recharging pulak, kenala full sebulan..
kalau tak? camne nak bertahan untuk setahun?
flat tengah jalan....

mana satula yang dah kita buat yer? mana satula nasib kita ni?

2008-09-08T00:53:00.000-04:00

Bismillaah

Ada kesyukuran, ada kelegaan, ada kegembiraan, ada kepuasan...
menghirup udara pada saat ini

Ada pengharapan, ada keinginan, ada permohonan...
Moga Allah perkenankannya untuk kami

Di sini kami mengemis, meminta-minta, mengetuk pintuNya tanpa henti
Moga Allah terimanya daripada kami

Kami,
Aku dan kamu,
Saling berlumba untuk sama-sama menang,
cemerlang dalam peluang ini,
berpesta ibadah dalam hari-hari mulia ini,
membanting tulang mengumpul bekalan dalam kehidupan singkat ini...

Moga Allah terima ...
Moga kita beroleh ampunanNya ...

2008-08-27T23:17:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

jari-jari kecil menyentuh tangan
lembut penuh keceriaan

jari-jari kecil mengenggam jari-jariku
kuat penuh kesungguhan

jari-jari kecil akan membesar
akan menjadi kedut dan kasar

jari-jari kecil yang punya potensi besar
bakal melakar sesuatu yang bermakna untuk dirinya dan dunia

2008-08-08T13:14:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

Alhamdulillaah, summer has been so wonderful. Still has a month or so before Fall comes. AND it's less than a month for Muslims to celebrate the blessed month of Ramadhan. AND yes, I am far behind others who have started talking about Ramadhan a while ago, not to mention the earlier generations who had started reminding each other about Ramadhan as soon as Ramadhan ended.
Ya Allah, make me among those who are blessed to be with Ramadhan again this year, and those who You gives the strength and opportunity to make the best use of the holy month.

Olympic has just begun in China, people are celebrating and competing. It's the game in this world. Everybody wants to win a Gold medal and break the world's records, the highest reward, satisfaction, and achievement for sportsmen. These sportsmen and women have been training rigorously all year long for the game to make sure they are fit enough, have all the vital skills and strength to win their games.

Would not it be so wonderful if we,Muslims, take Ramadhan more seriously than the sportsmen treat their Olympic games? To win the best of rewards(much much much better than Olympics medals) in this dunya and the hereafter. I wish I had done so myself, but the truth is often never even close to the ideals.

2008-07-15T21:20:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

kami berjalan dan berjalan
dan terus berjalan
selagi masa belum berhenti

mencari dan meraih peluang
dan terus berusaha
selagi masih ada kesempatan

masih dalam perjalanan pulang
berdoa agar diberikan kekuatan
selagi belum terlewat

2008-07-10T03:03:00.001-04:00

The blings and dings in life
one makes you smile, one makes you cry
one makes you happy, one makes you sad

The blings and dings in life
the ups and downs of life
one will go up and down
never forever on the top
as the fluid flow might be laminar
it might also went turbulent

face the music

2008-06-27T14:04:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

jannah
syurga
paradise

jannah
paradise
syurga

syurga
jannah
paradise

syurga
paradise
jannah

paradise
jannah
syurga

paradise
syurga
jannah

Where else do you want to go?
.........

"Did no warner come to you?"
67:8

2008-06-22T15:35:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

mashaAllaah,
the sky was blue,
very beautiful blue when I looked at the sky this morning
accidentally looked up through the window

it was by the will of Allaah
so that I could enjoy the beauty of His creation
so that I could praise Him
so that I could appreciate everything that He has given me
this deen, this faith, this life, this world, His generosity
everything...

Alhamdulillaah

2008-06-21T14:48:00.000-04:00

Bismillaah

kadang-kadang dan bukan selalu, tahu-tahu masa sudahpun berlalu
dahabisdah peluang yang Tuhan berikan

masaku, masamu dan masa mereka
tidak ada yang boleh berputar semula

ada peluang yang datang dan pergi
ada yang berlalu dan dibiarkan sepi
tapi kalau sudah sampai penghujung waktu
dahabisdah segala kesempatan dan tunggulah masa penentuan

apa yang sudah kulakukan?
cukupkah sudah menyimpan bekalan?
atau banyak yang sudah keciciran dan aku masih belum cepat2 menambahnya lagi?

2008-05-27T19:28:00.000-04:00

bismillah

terkejut, mengejut,dikejutkan
tidak siap menghadapi kebenaran

terlalai, melalaikan, dilalaikan
tergelincir dari landasan

lemah, melemahkan, dilemahkan
kekuatan yang menghilang

manusia selalu menghadapinya
itu antara sifat dominan kita
manusia tidak ada kekebalan
manusia ini makhluk Tuhan

jangan lupa
jangan suka
jangan sombong
jangan terluka

2008-05-20T20:45:00.000-04:00

bismillah

ada yang bergolak hatinya
ada yang tenang, senang menikmati manisnya iman

ada yang bertindak protes
ada yang berpeluk tubuh

ada yang baru tiba
ada yang sudah pergi

ada yang baru bersatu
ada yang telah berpisah

peristiwa bergandingan
ada yang serasi
ada yang berlawanan
sunnah nya alam
sunnatullah

2008-05-11T14:45:00.000-04:00

bismillah

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal, basikal pink went missing, got stolen at figuoera.
The semester was over and the bike's gone.

Alhamdulillaah, a muslim neighbor gave his bike for free,
Muslims here usually dont charge their muslims brothers/sisters
MashaAllah, what a wonderful brotherhood

2008-05-02T17:42:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

the last day of spring(semester)
final presentation
and the finals are coming
soon...

the anxiety
of being asked
and the expectation of being able to answer

wouldn't the feeling
be tremendously greater
on the day of judgement?

would us be so frightened to speak
so the limbs would speak on our behalf?
:S

2008-04-23T22:15:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

poverty
was a memory for some
but many more are still suffering in it

poverty
the poor's fault
or the wealthy's fault?

poverty
physically = bad
spiritually = worse
physically + spiritually = WORST

mashaAllaah
the early muslims
most were poor
but they were very 'rich' in eeman
and those who're wealthy
were generous and always reached out for the needy

2008-04-17T23:01:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

bahasa ibundaku bahasa jawa
bahasa negaraku bahasa malaysia
bahasa nabiku bahasa Arab
bahasa studiku bahasa Inggeris

iklan-iklan di atas mula menerawang
if i didnt write in English
simply because they dont understand

are we gonna be able to understand Qur'an
if we dont know the language?
how good will be our understanding?
how deep will be our appreciation?

are we gonna be like the 'iklan-iklan di atas'?
dont understand, dont know
what is it I was talking about

2008-04-13T16:57:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

lagikan di tempat kecil pun boleh tersesat, apatah lagi di bumi yang luas
wayar usb itu telah 'hilang' atau lebih tepat salah letak, atau terlupa letaknya di mana

pusing keliling satu ruangan, punggah-memunggah, tinjau-meninjau
wayar usb itu tiada di mana-mana

ruang ini begitu kecil untuk wayar usb bersembunyi
tapi yang mencari masih belum berjumpa

bawaku berfikir dan merenung
di ruang kecil sudah boleh 'hilang', apatah lagi di luar sana
kita insan kerdil yang selalu lupa tujuan, salah memilih jalan
berapa kali kita ingin kesasar sebelum bertemu jalan pulang

Allah Maha Esa, Satu
begitu juga jalan menujunya
hanya ada Satu
Islam....

2008-04-10T20:41:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

ability
responsibility

to write is a struggle to share
to share is a struggle to think
and life is all but a struggle

to fill the gaps between time is a responsibility
to strive to be better is a responsibility
and life is all but a responsibility

2008-04-05T13:56:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

Dulu waktu di sekolah menengah, ada ujian PAFA. Salah satu syarat untuk lulus adalah menghafal beberapa ayat Qur'an a.k.a ayat Hafazan. Mungkin hampir keseluruhan calon peperiksaan hafal ayat-ayat Hafazan PAFA.

Kebelakangan ni terfikir tentang sejauh mana orang-orang Melayu menyimpan azam dan berusaha untuk menambah ayat-ayat Qur'an yang dihafal selepas lulus PAFA SPM. Adakah selepas lulus PAFA, itulah ayat hafazan terakhir yang disimpan dalam kepala? dan adakah ayat-ayat itu masih lekat dalam ingatan?

Persoalan ini timbul selepas umat Islam menunjukkan pelbagai reaksi tentang 'filem'(tak sampai taraf dan kualiti filem pun) SEorang Belanda (yang malas nak tulis namanya di sini)) yang membawa propaganda(Islamophobia dan salah satunya adalah) untuk memansuhkan beberapa bahagian dalam alQuran(yang dia dah ambil ikut konteks dan tafsiran sendiri-tanpa ilmu). Klip tersebut diakhiri dengan bunyi kertas dikoyak(Quran dikoyak).

Reaksi kebanyakan orang(yang ada akses internet) adalah pergi ke youtube untuk tengok klip tersebut ataupun download dari mana-mana sumber yang boleh muat turun(biarpun x faham bahasa Belanda-bagi klip tanpa sarikata). Selepas itu, marah dan mengutuk SEorang Belanda di belakang klip tersebut. Bagi dua orang anak muda Belanda, mereka membuat klip untuk menyerang balas. Menyerang SEorang Belanda tersebut menggunakan senjata yang sama iaitu filem/klip video.

Secara personal, saya pun tidak tahu reaksi mana yang terbaik. Tetapi, presiden ISNA, sr Ingrid Matson berkongsi reaksinya ialah dengan mengucup naskah al-Qur'an beliau dan duduk membaca al-Qur'an selama sejam.

Bukankah indah jika reaksi umat Islam dengan penghinaan SEorang Belanda itu adalah dengan beramai-ramai menghayati, menghargai, memahami, mengamalkan dan menyebatikan kehidupan dengan al-Qur'an. Lebih ramai yang berazam untuk menghafal al-Qur'an, sedikit-sedikit lama-lama jadi bukit, satu ayat ke satu ayat sehingga keseluruhan al-Qur'an. Berundang-undangkan al-Qur'an dan berpandukan al-Qur'an. Jadi biarpun SEorang Belanda itu cuba membuang potongan-potongan Qur'an dari mushaf seantero dunia, ayat-ayat Qur'an akan tetap utuh di hati dan ingatan Umat Islam(dan Allah akan menjaga al-Qur'an selama-lamanya.Perlindungan siapakan yang lebih baik dan sempurna?)

2008-04-01T18:45:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

Alhamdulillaah,
Thank you for sending me an email today,
Thank you for asking about how I am doing today,
Thank you for showing that you still care

Thank you for stopping by today,
Thank you for reading my entries today,
Thank you for giving me your support today

MashaAllah,
I just want to thank you for every good deed that you do
It might has brought a smile, a happiness
It might has made a person's day
It might be a contribution in making the world a better place
and most importantly, it might has pleased Allah

May Allah be pleased with us all
and may Allah grant us His forgiveness and blessings

p/s:Alhamdulillaah, this posting was not lost when the blogspot suddenly went into problem just now. Alhamdulillaah...

2008-03-29T14:22:00.000-04:00

bismillaah

A man wishes that he could do 3 things:
1- To be able to make sujood(prostrate - sujud)
2- To be able to lift a page of the Qur'an
3- To be able to hug his mother

You might ask, why did he wanted to do these? Arent those are very simple to do? Just go ahead and make sujood, and take the Qur'an and lift a page, and go to his mother and hug her!

However, this man is not able to do those three things. He is paralyzed from the neck down! He is unable to move except his head, blinking his eyes, lips, and tongue. He cannot move anything else even his fingers. He regretted that during his healthy time, he didn't perform the prayer(solah) and he didn't read the Qur'an.

Now, let us ponder upon this true story. For healthy people like most of us, those three things are very simple to do. They just require little efforts. Because of this, many of us often taken our health for granted. Many people do not pray, they do not prostrate in front of Allah. Lots of people do not read the Qur'an, not even touch it let alone lifting a page of it. and lots of people still have the chance and time to hug their mothers, fathers, siblings, and children, but they never do that.

Do we ever think that these blessings of health and perfect limbs could be taken away at any time? That, we are susceptible to injuries and accidents that might change our lives forever? That we might not be able to make sujood anymore due to illness? That we might not be able to move our hands, our fingers, and hence will not be able to lift anything by ourselves, including the pages of Qur'an? That one day, we might not be able to hug anyone anymore including our moms?

Sure we dont know, but Allah knows. Let's thank Allah for all the blessings we'd been given. Let's perform our duties to Allah while we still have the chance and time.

Lastly, the man said, "You feel grieve seeing me in this condition, but people didn't feel grieve while they saw me not praying(when I was healthy)"

That's another point to ponder~ what is the source of our happiness and grieve these days?

2008-03-28T14:46:00.001-04:00

bismillaah

when the white blood cells gone wild
attacking and killing the good, beneficial red blood cells
there would be a chaos

when the human gone wild
attacking and killing one another
there woukd be a chaos

not following sunnatullah
not doing what were we supposed to do
was just choosing to live in chaos
forever

2008-03-25T02:08:00.000-04:00

bismillah

Alhamdulillah
The sun was shining so brightly today as I rode my bike to the campus
The blue sky was clear and the wind was blowing softly
Lots of people were on the street enjoying the nice weather

MashaAllah
The season is changing again
Who could arrange it so that the spring comes after the winter in the west?
While at some other parts in the world, they never have winter and snow?

Alhamdulillah
Having the chance to live at different parts of the world
Having the chance to enjoy nice, sunny weather all year long
Having the chance to experience all the four different seasons
Went through freezing winter with white, thick snow all over
Went through beautiful spring with colorful flowers at every corner
Went through summer with long breaks to go places
Went through fall with all those fallen, golden leaves

mashaAllah
all were just wonderful
so perfect are His creations

2008-03-23T15:48:00.000-04:00

bismillah

I wanted to do so many things in my life, but I don't even know if I would have the chance to do all of them...
I wished to achieve lots of things in my life, but I am not sure myself If I could accomplish all of them...
and only Allah azzawajall knows

If you were to choose just one of the many things you would like to do, which one would you choose?
If you were to pick one thing that you would like to accomplish, which one would you pick for yourself?

and I ask Allah to guide me in making decisions and facilitate me in my affairs
and may Allah include us among the inhabitants of Jannat-ul firdaous

2008-03-21T15:56:00.001-04:00

Bismillah

MashaAllah...
Looking into their innocent eyes
Clear, beautiful, and sincere
Enthusiastic and curious

Alhamdulillah...
Through them You have brightened up my day
With them You have blessed me
with loves and happines

2008-03-20T03:27:00.000-04:00

bismillah

Today I was online like usual. Checking my emails and online accounts. There was an email that I thought was just like many forwarded emails as I rarely received emails personally sent to me. Somehow, I opened the email and found out that it was indeed from an old friend. Alhamdulillah, I was happy to receive the email.

Sometimes it's worth ones time to write just a simple and short email to his/her friends to keep in touch with each other. An email shows that one still remembers and cares about you. Thanks to the internet, now we can send messages around the globe easily and fast with almost no charge.

Keep sending those nice emails and showing that friendships know no time limits and bounds (especially when it is for the sake of God, Allah azzawajall)

p/s:I would like to welcome old friends from smsld to my blog. I am not a heavy blogger, though since I just write every now and then, whenever I feel like writing, and that does not happened very often.

2008-03-14T22:47:00.000-04:00

Bismillah

Why do I locked my bike?

The answer is Believe in Allah azzawajall a.k.a iman
I place my trust in Allah, thus I locked my bike and then left it with the hope the bike would be there when I came back inshaAllah-with Allah's will
I locked my bike because Rasulullah salallahu alayhi wa salam once told someone that "Tie Your camel, and then put your trust in Allah", thus I locked my bike as an effort from my part in making sure that the bike would not get stolen before asking for Allah's protection

p/s: a camel would surely wander around if it's not tied for it has the ability to walk or move. What about a bike? as far as I know, no bike would automatically move independently without an operator. Why it is very hard to trust people nowadays? Why do people steal? Thieves do not have taqwa-fear of Allah =(

2008-03-13T14:24:00.000-04:00

bismillah

so much things happened, but not all could be written
it was simply because some better left unspoken while others were shared

Sometimes, they were not too easy to put into words
and as time goes by, they were buried in memories in unwritten thoughts

Sometimes, the times were just not there
For the events to be recorded in words
or the times were just not appropriate
For other things need to be done first