what it feels like to sit till, staring at the wall, thinking of nothing or something or too many things that they're almost nothing?.
void...null....
the darkest part of the day, the most painful torment to the heart, so severe that it feels like killing me, inside of me, the whole of me.

tomorrow doesnt has to follow yesterday ...isnt that wonderful? got that from a pamphlete of this one type of bowel disease, but i dont remember exactly.Hmmm..boleh dikaitkan ngan mujahadah...jangan menyerah kalah, teruskan perjuangan. sebab kalau tak nanti kita kecewa, putus harapan...hmm..ehehe...cam kena batang hidung sendiri jerk...well, pengajarannya there are lots of wisdom in this life..Allah gives them to us, mebbe its our free will [ke free choice] to choose? . Ye lah kan, Allah takkan menguji hambaNya mana yang kita tak mampu...adil, bijaksana, dan penuh kasih sayang.tengah baca al-raheeq al-maktum...ehe..baru nak baca sirah...tuh pun sbb tgh buntu usrah nak wat aper...dahla semangat makin jatuh merudum skrng ni...teruk betul...hmmm..manala nak paham hati ni erk.....nih sbb ikut nafsu ke shaytan....a'uzubillahi minzalik....hmmm...bile baca sirah rasulullah saw, teringat sikit betapa susahnya rasulullah saw nak mula buka langkah dakwah...skrg ni dah ramai dah yang 'islam' , tak lah susah sangat kalau suruh sembah Allah yang satu...dulu, dalah poly-, ganas2 lak tuh orang die...xde nye undang2 nak tangkap orang yang bunuh orang....erm....skang ni...baru jerk orang tunjuk muka poyo masa usrah...dah rasa gelabah tak tentu arah...camnela nak ikut jejak rasulullah ni.....method kita dala buhsan boring dah dengan kita-kita sendiri pun perangai cam ape...sendiri pun bawak muka poyo dalam usrah...mana taknya....hmm...ntahla, selalu jerk rasa cam tak tau nak wat aper ... rasa cam x efektif langsung ... bermuka-muka? iya ker....iyerla kot..ntah..cam nak ada kawan at least utk tanggung sama pk apa yang nak wat...skang ni cam rasa dah ilang control...uzlah? takut cam melarikan diri lak...hmmm.....tengokla betapa bercelarunya pkran seorg yg tgh bercelaru ni..bercelaru ke?..ntahla.....

Alhamdulillah.....masih diberi peluang untuk kembali ke ruang ini. Kadang-kadang tertanya pada diri sendiri mengapa jarang benar keikhlasan itu hadir setiap kali ingin mencermin diri. Dalam bahasa yang kaku dan menipu...mana mungkin apa yang lahir dari sudut hati boleh diluahkan. Terasa masih jauh lagi perjalanan ini dan sering juga terasa makin jauh ke belakang...mundur, bukannya maju. Betapa salahnya selama ini menganggap diri sudah begitu baik..mungkin di nilaian manusia tapi tidak mungkin di hadapan Allah. Dosa yang ditimbun bagai tidak boleh terhapus....mana mungkin mengidamkan jannahNya...aduhai...betapa pilu di hati ini. Hina dan cacatnya banyak sekali, kadang-kadang terasa lemas dan helpless, tapi sering juga teringat yang kita tidak boleh berputus harap pada Allah. Dengan ingatan ini ku seret hati dan diri sendiri hanya untuk redha Allah, moga-moga DIa menerimaku...kerana aku tahu aku tidak layak untuk syurgaNya, namun aku juga tahu aku tidakkan mampu untuk siksaanNya. Aduhai, terasa lemahnya diri, tunduk pada hasutan syaitan dan nafsu...mengapa masih lagi mahu memikirkan kata insan padahal hati ini tahu bahawa yang Maha Tahu lebih layak untuk semua itu....mengapa...menipukah aku pada duniaku....ya, aku menipu..angan-anganku panjang.......ya Allah, hinanya aku di hadapanMu....malah rasanya tiada ruang untuk diri ini di kalangan jutaan umatmu yang semuanya menagih kasih simpatiMU

Foundations of the Spiritual Path [part 1]

By Sidi Ahmad Zarruq
Translated by Hamza Yusuf

The noble scholar, the unique of his age, the regulator of the scholars and saints, Sidi Ahmad Zarruq al-Barnusi al-Fasi, may Allah be pleased with him, wrote the following:

If anyone is asked about the foundations of his path, he should reply,
The foundations of our path are five:
-Taqwa-mindfulness of Allah, privately and punlicly
-Adherence to the Sunnah in word and deed
-Indifference tp wheter others accept or reject one
-Contentment with Allah in times of both hardship and ease
-Turning to Allah in prosperity and adversity
The realization of mindfulness of Allah is through scrupulousness and uprightness. The realization of adherence to the Sunnah is through caution and excellent character. The realization of indifference to others' acceptance or rejection is through patience and trust in Allah. The realization of contentment is through acceptance of what one is given and turning over the management of one's affairs to Allah. The realization of turning back to Allah is through praise and gratitude in times of prosperity and taking refuge in Him in times of affliction.

The foundations of the preceding five are in the following five:
-Exakted aspirations
-Maintaining Allah's reverence
-Expendng oneself in excellent service of others
-Fulfilling one's resolves
-Magnifying one's blessings
He whose aspirations are exalted is raised in rank. He who preserves the reverence of Allah, Allah maintains his respect. He whose service is for others is ennobled by it. He who does that which he resolves to do is assured continual guidance. He who deems blessings to be great by his own eye has shown gratitude. And he who is grateful ensures an increase in blessings from the Give of gifts according to the promise of the Truthful one.

InshaAllah,To be continued.....

Doing some cleaning around the house. Quite ..~erk with all those boxes and etc.... Alhamdulillah it looks better now, soon InshaAllah we'll have a new "living room" , just needs a few things to be done.

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah
I guess it is a long break . I used to have a journal, but I believe that "there is no safer vessel than your heart", as sidi Ahmad Zarruq said.But, when I read my friends' journals....I found a lot of reflections in them.
Everyday events just come and go, little do we remember nor think about them. May be writing journal is one way to keep the memories alive even if only in words. We can learn through the experiences, the colors they painted, the stories they told, the words they uttered, the memories they left..etc.
i got o-chem quiz right after this..May Allah make it easy for me..Rabbi zidni 'ilma ...ameen.

Assalamualaikum
It's has been a while since i share something new here. I am almost forget about this ~ . I am a forgetful servant, transgressing what is forbidden .. knowingly or unknowingly, intentionally or unintentionally........

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah
Dear Myself...
What did I do today?
Have I being grateful today?
Have I asked for forgiveness today?
Have I being humble today?
Have I Love Him today?
Have I remembered Him today?
Have I cried for Him today?
Have I humiliated myself in front of Him today?
Have I done zikrullah today?
Did I offered my prayers with khusyu' today?
Have I defeated my own nafs today?
Have I feed and purify my qalb today?
Did I have the right intention today?
Have I ?..
Did I ?...

BismillahirrahmanirRahim
I begin with the name of Allah The most Gracious The Most Merciful

Alhamdulillah a'la kulli hal, may this space be one of the channels of da'wah, the place where I can share my thoughts and reflections.
Love and fear of HIM are the two things that I really hoped for, may Allah guide me in this journey of purifying my own nafs, to know Him more, to be deep in love with Him, and to fear His wrath and punishments.
Qalbun saleem--i am looking for it, to present it to my exalted Rabb, Allah azzawajall.
Allahumma ameen, thabbith qalbi a'la dinik.