pengemis

bismillaah


bila kita mengemis dengan makhluk,
terasa dihina
terasa sedih
terasa geram
terkadang kecewa
dan kadang kala marah

bila kita mengemis dengan Allaah
kita mengakui kita hina
jiwa rasa merdeka
hati rasa bahagia
tenang berbunga di rongga nyawa
tiada kecewa
hanya harap menggunung
kerna doa padaNya tidak satu pun sia-sia

bismillaah


Aku mohon ya Allaah
agar jejak kaki terus berpijak di bumi nyata
bukan terbang bak terawang di kelompok awan

Terasa diri tinggi
sesuci dan seputih awan
seindah dan secantiknya
Kelihatan yang di bumi kerdil
kecil, jauh dan hina

Ya Allah
hindari diri ini dari merasa lebih baik
lebih tahu
lebih pandai
lebih a'lim
dari orang lain

Biarlah makin tunduk makin berisi
Makin tinggi ilmu
seiring semakin tinggi ketaqwaan padaMu

bukan menyampai biar orang puji berilmu
bukan menegur agar orang pandang berakhlaq
bukan menolong supaya orang gelar berbudi

Heroes Conference

Bismillaah

alHamdulillaah, alHamdulillaah

yesterday was one of the happiest day this year. After so long, I've got to attend an Islamic conference from the beginning till the end with all of my four beloved children!

It was the Heroes conference at IIUM.

okay, honestly I was not registered until last Thursday, wasn't even aware of any conferences or Islamic programs around the Klang valley, which were lots of them day in and day out.

A friend told me about the conference, I checked the website and alHamdulillaah, happy to find out that mother's room with love live telecast would be available, and hey, the fee was cheap too, mashaAllaah!

So, I registered as a group with two other friends alHamdulillaah.

I was very excited that I prepared everything the night before - yup, packed all the stuffs I thought would be needed to keep my children entertained and comfortable to stay in the hall from 10am to 10 pm! I ended up with several bags - looking like getting ready for a week away!

In the morning, everyone woke up a bit earlier, as abah had to leave for a talk in the morning too. So, syurgawan and ibu got ready and waited for ibu's friend to pick us up.

The ride to IIUM was smooth and happy, the sky was bright and beautiful mashaAllaah. We made a few stops to buy breakfast and refill the fuel.

Arrived at IIUM, everyone brought their bags and alHamdulillaah for ibu's friends for helping us carrying our stuffs - uhuhuhu..too many and heavy!. We parked a bit farther from the hall as the parking are was full. Was informed that attendees were about one thousand!

AlHamdulillaah the volunteers are friendly and helpful. We finally made it to the mother's room, alHamdulillaah! Unpacked our things and got ready for the ilm session.

However, the telecast was not up yet :( uhuhuhuhu. At first, we were told to join the others in the main auditorium, but no children allowed. My syurgawan refused to be left at the nursery(available for RM20/child). They wanted to stay with ibu walHamdulillaah.

So, I was down initially, but quickly made du'a to Allaah to grant me patience and ease for the duration of the day. I made the same du'a last night, and I knew Allah heard me. It was just I have to be a bit patient.

I enjoyed my time waiting, while entertaining my baby and curious toddlers.

An hour later, the lady technician came and set up the LCD, it worked! but, no sounds.uhuhuhu.
They said the audio cable was not long enough to be pulled and connected to the mother's room. We had to move to a new room later, because the main session was ongoing and they didn't want to interrupt the audio.

AlHamdulillaah a'la kulli haal. AlHamdulillaah, Allaah gave me the strength avoid complaining, and stayed happy and content with everything around me. Yup, I missed all the morning sessions.

Finally, after the Zuhr break, they moved us to the new mother's room. It was a musolla, so it was very comfortable. It was a clean and nice room with attached wudhu'a area and restrooms! It was a blessing indeed as I didn't have to run back and forth to the restroom everytime a child wanted to use it. Plus, only mommas with child/ren were allowed to use the facility, so no QUE and big crowd, alHamdulillaah, alHamdulillaah. I wouldn't complaint about having to take all of our belongings from the previous room to the new one, which was located at the second floor and we had to walk quite a bit. I was helped with many volunteers and friends, jazakumullaahu khayr.

AlHamdulillaah, I enjoyed the conference and almost throughout the conference just stayed in the mother's room, except for the few minutes moving from the previous room to the substitute room, and oh ya, went to the restroom with Adam and had to wait in a long line(before we got into the musolla cum mother's room). I guess I was so focused on listening to the talks and taking care of my little ones that I forgot about taking a walk outside or meeting a friend etc, mashaAllaah. syurgawan visited the booths with kakak Saadiah. oh ya, lunch were bought by kakak saadiah and Amirah too.

my children were busy making new friends, coloring, exploring, etc. they enjoyed the conference too. little complaints and no major fights and crankiness, mashaAllaah walHamdulillaah! All were up and running until they were really tired, only after 9pm LOL. Adam fell asleep first, followed by Hajar, then Maryam. Sarah was the one who remained awake. Sarah was so very cooperative through the entire stay eventhough she had a runny nose and cough, alHamdulillaah alHamdulillaah, she was easy and happy! A 5+ month old baby mashaAllaah.

The conference ended half an hour earlier than scheduled. It was scheduled to end at 11pm, but the VVIP was not there for the final closing ceremony. Abah came to pick us up at around 11pm, he was around at IIUM too for his coaching session earlier. By that time, all 3 toddlers were fast asleep. We managed to wake Adam and Hajar, but not Maryam, LOL! Our lil Sarah almost immediately fell asleep as the car left the carpark! I guess she was very tired too, but too happy to be cranky at all mashaAllaah.

We reached home just a few minutes past midnight, alHamdulillaah.

That night, I cought a flu and fever, alHamdulillaah a'la kulli haal. Gave it all out for the conference, and it was time for kaffarah of my sins :)

Hari

Bismillaah

Hari kita
Dimulai dengan doa
Diisi dengan doa
Diakhiri dengan doa

Doa terus menerus pada Allaah
Tanpa henti mengetuk,mengadu di pintu rahmatNya
Moga beroleh ampunan, redha, dan syurgaNya

Ya Allaah,
Moga hari ini kami lebih dekat kepadaMu
Lewat bicara hamba yang sentiasa mengemis ini dan itu
Lewat pengaduan dari hati yang merintih
Lewat sayu sendu rindu hambaMu
Moga kami peroleh pimpinan dan hidayahMu
Moga kami dipayungi redhaMu
Dalam hari-hari kami dalam persinggahan ini
dan tika tiba waktu tiada naungan selain naungan agungMu

Istighfar

Bismillaah


Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim
Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim
Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim

Kesukaan rasulullaah SAW, amalan baginda saban waktu
Minta ampunan Tuhan al-Ghaffur

Banyak yang Allaah janjikan di sebalik sendu rintihan istighfaar kita
Banyak dan melangkaui igauan
Paling agung, ampunan Tuhan
Paling dekat, nikmat di dunia
Hujan, rezeki, anak, harta, kelapangan
Aku terkedu, terkesima, bahagia

Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim
Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim
Astaghfirullaah al-a'zim

Rabbanaa faghfirlanaa zunubanaa wa kaffir a'nna sayyiatina wa tawaffana ma'al abrar
Allaahumma ameen

Heaven's Key

Bismillaah


Cari kunci,
depan pintu syurga,
alangkah kecewanya,
tidak dapat masuk,
kunci sudah hilang,
atas kelalaian...

aduh,
pusing keliling pening!

kenapa kita mau jadi begitu,
sedang kita lahir sudah ada anugerah,
kunci syurga dalam genggaman,
lalu leka kunci terlepas,
entah letak di mana,
hilang tidak berjumpa...

sampai destinasi kita rugi sendiri,
jalan sudah jauh sengsara,
tapi tika sampai depan pintu syurga,
kita tidak boleh buka pintunya...

Apa mau jadi begitu?

Salam sepi tapi mesra

bismillaah

assalamua'laikum wa rahmatullaah

teman,
salam kuhulur atas kunjungan mu ke sini

maaf kalau sudah lama aku gagal bertanya khabar
harapanku ukhuwwah itu terus segar dengan salam sepiku di sini

pergi:satu kepulangan

bismillaah

berkumandang nada dering
ada pesanan ringkas yang masuk
satu berita kepulangan
pulang ke pangkuan yang Maha Pencipta
pergi yang tidak kembali

inna lillaahi wa inna ilaihi Raji'un

sayu di jiwa
orang-orang tersayang yang masih hidup ditinggalkan
mengelilingi
sekujur jasad yang dulu riang menjejak alam
kini diam menunggu diangkat ke laman semadi
bakal didakap kelam di bawah timbunan tanah
kaku...
sepi...

ada yang pulang bila usia sudah menjejak senja
ada yang pergi bila kelopak usia baru mula mekar
tiada penentu waktu
Allaah jemput bertemu

pergilah,
sudah sampai masamu untuk pulang

redhalah,
buat mengambil pengajaran dan keinsafan bagi kita yang masih tinggal
memanfaat hayat tersisa di bumi

HKL, again..

Bismillaah

alHamdulillaah

nikmat sihat selapis kulit

kita hidup bahagia tanpa derita

indah fizikal kita selapis kulit cuma

yang putih, yang gebu, yang elok, yang mulus

bila gatal bergaru

luka berparut

sakit bernanah

melecur tertanggal

selapis kulit jadi dugaan

yang meminjam dan yang memandang

selapis kulit setinggi nikmat

harus dijaga, dipelihara

harus ditutup sempurna mana yang perlu

tak perlulah bangga menjaja bilamana itu pinjaman cuma

alHamdulillaah, today I went to the HKL for a follow up. Got ready early in the morning and headed straight to HKL after dropping my children at kindy. I took my baby along to accompany me during the follow up :)

report was out and my granuloma was confirmed harmless, alHamdulillaah!

it was just the people who suffer various skin diseases and conditions whom I saw at the lobby at the Dermatologist unit that made me very thankful for my healthy skin, and may Allaah grant us all good health inside out, Ameen.

Momma In The House

Bismillaah

A battle within
A daily struggle
To always be the 'momma in the house'
and not becoming a 'monster in the house'
ever

For it just needs a split second
to change from Momma to Monster
with 4 little gifts from heaven in the house

Just du'a it
Slowly building the strength needed
to become stronger than ever

So true when the the Prophet pbuh said
the strongest man is him who can control his anger
Patience requires strength
and it will surely be tested when one becomes a Momma

xoxo

My syurgawan

A day in HKL

Had cauterization done on a pyogenic granuloma on my thumb today :(

Hats off!
MashaAllaah very efficient and excellent service :)
Jazakillaahu khayr Dr. Zira, the specialist at HKL's dermatology department who was superb.
I had this negative perception about services at public hospitals: slow, inefficient, rude staffs, super long que and waiting, yada yada yada.

Alhamdulillaah, today all those negative stereotypes were proven false for HKL.


Registration was done in less than 20 minutes despite hundreds of patients in the hall. Then, waiting time to be seen by a MO was less than half an hour(to my surprise! mashaAllaah). After seeing my condition, the MO wrote a letter to the dermatologist department so that I could be seen by a specialist as my case was a rare skin condition. We immediately went to the Dermatology Department, handed the letter and was told to come back at 2pm as it was already 1+pm(lunch hour). So, we went to the cafe to grab some lunch and went to the surau for Zuhr(okay, the surau was a bit far at the 4th level and couldn't be easily located. alHamdulillah we found it after abah asked around and a nice staff walked with us and showed where the surau was as he was heading towards the same direction).

Back to the Dermatology Department at 200pm. Was called to see a doctor at 220pm. The doctor examined my thumb, wrote all the necessary info for medical record. Then, I waited for about 10 minutes for Dr.Zira to confirm the diagnosis and what to do next.

In between waiting, I breastfed Sarah, who was very nice the whole day. No crying whatsoever, she was just sleeping soundly alHamdulillaah.

Dr. Zira came, confirm that it was a benign pyogenic granuloma. Common among pregnant ladies at sites that had been injured before, and yes mine was developed when I was 8 months pregnant with Sarah and I believed that the spot was pricked by a needle some years ago, and it left a tiny small red spot there.

It was due to hormonal changes in pregnant women causing tissue overgrowth. Yup, mine was a red, lobulated lump on my right thumb. A few millimeters in size. Lots of blood vessels and it bleeds easily. Lots of blood each time, yuckie and scarry!

Okay, so Dr. Zira said she was going to cauterized the lump herself and the tissue will be sent for biopsy. The cutting and cauterization was done on the same day, alHamdulillaah, as the waiting time for cautery and biopsy normally would take from weeks to months due to lots of patients in the line. As my case was on a prominent limb, thumb-right hand, the granuloma can be injured and bleed easily. Hence, Increasing the risk of infection. I was very relieved because the lump was very irritating. I had to be extremely careful not to bump it into another objects or it would bleed.

I went to the cautery room, got my thumb anesthetized(a bit painful uhuhuhu..and lots of blood). I didnt watch as the doctor cut & cauterized the lump as I closed my eyes throughout the entire procedure...seram lorr...I was shivering a bit too). When I opened my eyes, the area was cleaned and left with a small 'black hole.' Sakit jugak lorr as the bius went away.uhuhuh.

this was before HKL :(

Slept like a baby

Bismillaah

 Alhamdulillaah, this morning I was so happy for being able to wake up feeling refreshed after so many sleepless nights. I was a bit surprised to look at my handphone to find that the time was almost 5am. Usually it was 1am or 2am or 3am. MashaAllaah, I immediately thanked Allaah for His blessing. How easy it is for us to forget to thank Him  for the nikmah of 'sleep.' some of us might rarely recite the du'a before and after waking up from sleep. Some of us might easily fall into deep sleep and can sleep peacefully throughout the night and it is making us less thankful for the great blessing.

Sepasang Kakiku

Bismillaah

Alhamdulillaah, saya ada sepasang kaki yang sihat dan boleh berfungsi dengan baik.
Tapi, adakah cukup dengan sepasang kaki yang sihat?
Bila pinggang sakit, kita sudah tidak larat berjalan,
Bila ada batu karang, sudah tidak mampu melangkah,
Bila buah pinggang ada jangkitan kuman, aduh! Sakit sehingga kaki tidak larat berdiri,
Bila kepala pening, selangkah maju lalu jatuh kembali...

Sepasang kaki tidak mampu bergerak sendiri tanpa sinergi dengan anggota yang lain,
Sepasang kaki tidak memberi erti jika tidak dibawa tunduk di hadapan Allaah rabb al-a'lamin

Kita juga begitu
Kita tidak berdaya hidup tanpa sinergi dengan alam dan manusia
Kita tidak ada erti jika tidak mahu tunduk sebagai hamba

It is life

bismillaah

Having quite times exclusively for myself is a rare opportunity these days. Alhamdulillaah, I am staying home these past few days to get some rest before another chapter opens in my life. All 3 children are going to kindy :) and abah is off to his office.

besides my usual going-around-the-home and finding things to clean and tidy up, I've got this chance of reflecting on life. It is fast and always a surprise, be it a nice one or not.

Alhamdulillaah, all my children are healthy and happy, my husband is enjoying his choice of career, and I am on the way to complete my phd. I've prayed for many things to happen, and Allah gave them to me. Yet, there are lots and lots more which I never asked for, but Allaah knows very well that I needed them so, He gave them to me. His plan are all beautiful.

As much as we thought that we have been making tons of du'a, there are much more that we forget or do not even aware that we have to ask Allaah for them. Allaah is the All Knower, The Most Merciful and Kind -  He knows us very well. He gives without asking for return. He gives without being asked. He provides without fees.

Life is beautiful if we bow to Allaah and live life according to His prescription-mashAllaah.

Pak guard

bismillah

bila baca kisah Imam Ahmad yang diheret keluar dari sebuah masjid, sampailah Imam Ahmad ended up in a bakery shop in front of the masjid. Baker yang baik hati jemput Imam Ahmad tumpang tidur di kedainya sambil baker tu buat kerja-baking- over the night. All those while, none knew that the kicked out man was Imam Ahmad since he covered himself so that people didn't notice him, a very well known Islamic scholar at that time. Did Imam Ahmad mengeluh dan perkenal diri supaya dapat layanan lebih baik?

uhuuhuh...teringat pulak bila Pak Guard satu sekolah kebangsaan ni ketuk cermin kereta dan suruh parking di luar sebab hanya guru dan kakitangan sekolah jer yang boleh parking dalam kawasan sekolah. Kite punyalah rasa sebak...over sensitive la ni sebab tengah 9 months pregnant dan kalau nak berjalan jauh tu memang agak menyeksakan LOL. Tujuan ke sini cuma nak drop sampul surat untuk pendaftaran sekolah anak jer, mungkin hanya ambil masa kurang dari 5 minit. Tapi, mengalah jer dan parking kereta di luar. Dah tu, bila nak masuk balik sekolah tu, kena suruh isi borang pulak. Nak berurusan di pejabat sekolah tu cuma seminit jer. Tapi, isilah jugak. Pak guard tu semestinya hanya menurut perintah. Dalam hati takdelah merungut pun, cuma tetiba rasa sedih pulak bila takde rasa kasihan pada orang yang tengah sarat mengandung...uhuhuhu...over sensitive.

Bila dah baca kisah Imam Ahmad tu, rasa insaf jugak. Imam Ahmad adalah ulama' yang dihormati, tapi tidak menggunakan kedudukannya untuk boleh tidur di dalam masjid itu sampai dia diseret ke luar oleh 'pak guard' masjid. Yup, pak guard hanya menjalankan tugas.

Who am I to complain, then?

Bismillaah

Baru habis membaca kisah terbaik yang dirakam dalam al-Quran: Surah Yusuf.

Terlintas tadi mengapa Surah Yusuf Allaah namakan kisah terbaik? Penah terfikir tak?

1- Siapa yang paling benar dalam perkataan selain Allaah Ta'ala? Kisah Yusuf dalam al-Quran adalah benar 100%. Tiada unsur fitnah, tipu, gossip, mahupun conflict of interest. That's why it is the best of stories, mashaAllaah!
2- Kita boleh belajar banyakkkkk benda dari cerita Yusuf. Sabar, du'a, tawakal, dakwah, memaafkan, hikmah, etc.
3- Kita boleh mengubat kesedihan dengan membaca cerita Yusuf. Think that God has tested you so much that you are the most unfortunate person in this world? Compare your life with Yusuf's and his father.
4- Kasih sayang anak-ayah(ibu pun boleh masuk juga ;) terakam indah dalam surah ini. Tribute to all fathers and mothers!

Bismillaah

I first met him in a 'majlis ceramah'

He was speaking as a senior from the US to us; students who were going to the Uncle Sam's land

Never was in my mind that he would be the other half of me

Now he still speaks in 'majlis-majlis ceramah'

and the proud abah of our Hajar, Adam, Maryam, and the little one inside me

Sanah helwa

As you enter another year in your life

May Allaah bless your time

May Allaah bless your life

Increase you in eeman and righteousness