Bismillaah

I am not a poet

Though i wish i could be one

this is not a song

Though i am singing with it inside my heart

Sometimes

As i am gazing to the sky

Admiring the creation of Allaah The Most High,

The sun, the moon, and the stars

i kept thinking of what are there beyond the sky

vast universe, million years of light

Reminding me of my small self

Though i might be smaller than a particle of dust,

In comparison to the galaxies in the universe,

Allaah has perfected my creation

In every details of me, my mind, body, and soul

i am here with a purpose so clear

To serve and to worship my Lord, Allaah azzawajall

I am His creation

Living with every blessing borrowed from Him

For one day i shall return

To meet Him

Bismillaah

Bed Bugs

Satu perkara yang perlu diambil perhatian ketika berada di Los Angeles ialah kehadiran sejenis serangga parasit seperti kutu dipanggil 'bed bugs' yang biasanya bersembunyi di dalam tilam, karpet, pakaian dan tempat-tempat yang gelap.

Serangga ini selalunya akan keluar pada waktu malam dan akan menghisap darah. Kesan gigitan serangga ini akan menyebabkan bekas seperti ruam yang sangat gatal. Bilangannya sangat banyak dan akan meninggalkan kesan seolah-olah ruam di sekitar kaki, lengan, dan badan.

Bed bugs boleh merebak dari satu tempat ke tempat yang lain melalui tilam terpakai yang dijangkiti yang dijual ataupun juga daripada beg-beg yang dimasukinya. Apabila beg tersebut dibawa ke tempat lain, Bed Bugs akan ikut sekali dan berpindah ke tempat baru!

Kami sekeluarga juga terkena serangan Bed Bugs ini. Pada mulanya, ibu ke pusat kesihatan universiti untuk mendapatkan nasihat mengenai 'ruam' yang dialami kami sekeluarga. Doktor di klinik hanya mampu memberi ubat sapu dan menasihatkan agar kami menukar tilam kerana dia berpendapat ruam tersebut adalah disebabkan gigitan serangga.

Apartment yang kami sewa sebenarnya sudah didiami Bed Bugs memandangkan penyewa sebelumnya berpindah disebabkan tidak tahan dengan gangguan tersebut. Jiran beragama Islam dari Pakistan yang tinggal di tingkat bawah sangat risau mendengar suara Adam selalu menangis dan menyangka Bed Bugs menjadi penyebabnya. Dia sangat berbaik hati untuk datang ke apartment kami dan memaklumkan tentang kehadiran Bed Bugs di dalam apartment tersebut.

Dengan berbekalkan gambar bekas gigitan Bed Bugs, abah turun ke pejabat pengurusan apartment dan melaporkan hal tersebut. Selang beberapa hari, pengurusan apartment bertindak membuang tilam dan menggantikan karpet apartment. Semburan racun bed bugs juga dilakukan.

AlHamdulillaah, apartment nampak lebih bersih dari sebelumnya. Akan tetapi, bed bugs yang tahan lasak masih bersisa. Oleh itu, kami mengambil keputusan untuk mencari apartment lain dan meminta perlepasan kontrak daripada apartment sekarang memandangkan kontrak setahun penyewaan masih berbaki 6 bulan lagi. AlHamdulillaah, pihak pengurusan memahami situasi kami yang mempunyai anak-anak kecil dan bersetuju menamatkan kontrak tanpa sebarang penalti.

Bismillaah

Hari pertama menjejak kaki di Lapangan Terbang Antarabangsa Los Angeles atau lebih popular dengan LAX, waktu Maghrib sudah menjengah. Alhamdulillaah sebelum bertolak dari tanah air, kami sudah menghubungi seorang Malaysia yang berada di Los Angeles untuk menjemput kami di LAX. Encik Fakhrul dan isteri beliau,Nicky, menyambut kami di tengah kesibukan LAX dengan penuh ramah walaupun baru pertama kali bersua. Menyedari kami agak keletihan dan dengan cuaca yang agak sejuk, beliau segera membantu memunggah beg-beg pakaian yang banyak ke dalam van. Malam itu kami terus ke sebuah motel berdekatan University of Southern California, USC memandangkan kami belum menjumpai rumah sewa yang sesuai.

Alhamdulillaah, perjalanan daripada LAX ke motel hanya mengambil masa kira-kira 45 minit. Kami mengambil peluang menikmati pemandangan bandaraya penuh cahaya dan warna-warni sambil terkesima dengan kesibukan freeway Los Angeles. Jalannya luas dan bilangan kenderaannya sangat banyak dan bergerak pada kelajuan yang pantas. Disebabkan trafik di LA yang sangat sibuk, pihak berkuasa menyediakan carpool lane khas untuk kenderaan yang dinaiki oleh lebih seorang penumpang untuk menggalakkan orang berkongsi kenderaan dan mengurangkan bilangan kenderaan di atas jalan raya. Biasanya, laluan carpool akan lebih lancar daripada laluan biasa. Pemandu yang bersendirian akan disaman sekiranya menggunakan laluan carpool.

Bismillaah

Flash back:

"You can collect your passports tomorrow. Enjoy LA!" said the officer at the US embassy as we completed the visa application procedure. We were going to the USA in a few weeks.

Enjoy LA!:

Setiap kali teringat kata-kata pegawai kedutaan Amerika Syarikat di Kuala Lumpur tersebut, pasti terasa kesyukuran kepada Allaah. Ramai yang pergi ke Los Angeles atau Amerika Syarikat untuk melancong, membeli-belah, atau bersuka-ria kerana Los Angeles khususnya adalah tempat yang penuh hiburan. Dari artis-artis terkenal, Hollywood, Universal Studios, Disneyworld, Kodak Theatre, pantai-pantai dan pusat membeli-belah, Los Angeles menawarkan pelbagai keseronokan duniawi. Alhamdulillaah, kami ke Los Angeles bukan sekadar mengejar glamor kota tersebut, tetapi mengejar peluang belajar ke peringkat lebih tinggi, membina ukhuwaah sesama saudara, dan mengikuti peluang menambah ilmu dan pengalaman di kalangan masyarakat Muslim di sana.

Rasa bersyukur dan gembira di hati apabila peluang untuk meneruskan pelajaran di Los Angeles, Amerika Syarikat diberikan oleh Allaah Ta'ala. Bumi Amerika sememangnya satu tempat yang menyimpan banyak kenangan pahit manis semasa pengajian sarjana muda beberapa tahun lalu. Antara yang memberi kesan mendalam adalah kelana menuntut ilmu duniawi dan ukhrawi di sana. Pemergian ke sana sekali lagi juga didorong kuat oleh keinginan merasai kemanisan kelana menuntut ilmu, Alhamdulillaah.

Kali ini pemergian diserikan dengan kehadiran suami dan anak-anak tersayang. Kehadiran mereka sudah tentu menambahkan seri dalam perkongsian musafir dan perjuangan menuntut ilmu.

bismillaah

I like this:

Mental health tips. . .

Don't listen to the little demon in your head that says you can't do this. You can do it, you will do it, in fact, you are doing it. If you've been accepted on a phd then your supervisor, your institution and your funding body (if you have one) all believe in you; so make sure that you remember to believe in yourself once in a while.

Your thesis does not have to be perfect, it merely has to be good enough (although this is still difficult to achieve, it is infinitiely more achievable than 'perfect')

I borrowed it from the postgraduateforum

bismillaah

orang kata, Beginners are plenty, but only a few reach the finishing line!
Feels like a slap on the face for me who is definitely in the midst of struggling to keep my head in the game, and even 'dreaming' of quitting the challenge! I am causing myself confusion and delay!(should I add trouble to that?)

Feeling like writing a motivational book for myself and other postgraduate students to keep on the track and stay alive for the next years to come! Ahah, but surely I have to survive the postgraduate years myself, first inshaAllaah. It will be full off guides for identifying the motivation, keeping it high, and maintaining it throughout life!

I am having confusion over my goals and the have(or must?)-to-do things. I am tied with my institution, my dream, and other personal commitments, yet I want to be free to do things I really like doing like staying at home taking care of my family, visiting my parents without worrying about finishing my PhD, etc. Sounds lame!

I have surfed through the internet and found that my problem is a universal one. Most postgrads will have doubts over their abilities and their motivation at some point during their postgrad studies.Most PhD students will waste their first year in confusion and they definitely will regret wasting that first year(and I am sure I am falling into their shoes!)
Oh wait, that means I am a 'nomal' postgrad student!(I think 'normal' sounds better than 'average' LOL)

Okay, by reading down until this line you might already have the idea of how my 'head' is doing right now. Yup, I am thinking and worrying much about my studies and I am tying myself with my own laziness, procrastination, and endless excuses(they have became huge and complicated these days)

Bismillaah

oul you guss whih lttrs ar missing hr?
My laptop kyboar is mss up an thr ar som lttrs whih ar not going to show up hr

is it just lik this in lif?

w think it is okay to lav out som things thinking that thy wouln't fft th whol pitur

but as you just might hav noti, ths 'small' forgottn things i atually mss up th whol thing!

Just som xampls,

Not waring hijaab

Not prforming solat

Not paying zakat

Not going to masji(for mals ya!)

an all thos iffrnt things that w somhow think that thy ar not that important an w an still surviv an still an b a Muslim! Hllo???

bismillaah


Along the way
Sometimes I couldn't avoid hurting others' feelings
Was just being me and being human

Along the way
Most people would not want to understand
or accept you the way you are
You are as what they expect you to be
Perfect, flawless and unhuman

Ironic as it seems
but it is the real, hard truth

As much as I dont understand others
They dont understand me as much either
It is a neverending loop

Me with my expectations
and them with theirs

perfect imperfection

Bismillaah

It is on us

of what we did

we've been given the freedom to choose

with sound intellect to be used

so should be wise are our decisions

however

we love our freedom

we use it to the max as we could

we hold great pride for our intellectuality

yet we use logic the most with little reference to Allaah,
He who knows the movements of even every particles of dust?

Islam is simple

yet we want to simplify it even more

Think we know how to handle things with best

so who is better, us or the Prophet, Peace and Blessings be Upon him?

who is smarter, us or our Creator?

Do really 'simpler' always means better?

Think my friend,
Let us think
Let us remember
Let us reflect

Let us go back
That we are created only to worship our Creator
The One and Only
When He told us to do so, we should just do

He created rules to be obeyed,

He gives things that we can carry on our shoulders,
Readily simple and clear,

and our lives will be at best

InshaAllaah

Bismillaah

ALhamdulillaah my lovelyloved ones are doing great. They are unique as individuals in their own ways.

Hajar as usual, loves drawing, coloring, and writing. She knows how to write her name and her siblings' names. She knows how to write her name both in all upper letters and the proper way: Capital H, and the rest small letters. MashaAllaah, she has a bright talent in art. She also loves helping ibu cleaning and tidying the home. Usually, she will put all the toys and clutters aside before going to bed.

Adam as usual, very playful and adorable. He loves seeking attention and approval from people around him. He is also a very concern brother to his little sister. He was the first child to wake up in the morning and would sit sleepily on the couches. Later on, when ibu was upstairs ironing clothes and when Maryam wake up crying looking for ibu, Adam will hold Maryam's hand and take her through the steps going upstairs carefully. MashaAllaah, ibu love the scene very much.

Our lil girl Maryam is learning to make sentences. She can now speak clearer than before. Her sentences are understandable however short they are. Maryam can also sing her song of everybody 'tido' when she was the only one who still awake when everyone else was fast asleep :).

Bismillaah

I have this bad habit of always being a pessimist,

ok...before I continued writing this just now, I came across this beautiful saying from my dear sister Sarah, barakAllaahu fiki,

Don't despair of your human weaknesses! Remember what Ibn Taymiyyah (r) said: “What really counts are good endings, not flawed beginnings.”

This is my bad habit, always focusing on my weaknesses, my faults, and things that I don't do right. It was all because I don't do things according to their priority, and I was just wandering round and round without clear life plan. What to do?

Just like reading my mind, Sarah continues with this,

Do three things and you will be happy in life, insha Allah!

1-Take action.

2-Rely upon Allah for the results.

3-Thank Allah for everything that you have.

Allah says: "Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer - We will surely cause him to live a good life" 16:97 via Sh.Navaid Aziz

Now, this is a blessing of having a righteous friend. Without her even knowing, she spreads the benefits of her thoughts to others, walHamdulillaah. Allaah azzawajall has given me tremendous opportunity of being around good, righteous friends and more, a very humble husband. These are people who always remind me of things that I should remember both directly and indirectly. They teach and lead me through their words and actions. Alhamdulillaah ya Allaah, I can never thank You enough.

O Allaah,

You walk me through my weaknesses

You gave me help in many ways

Alhamdulillaah Thumma laka Alhamd

Give me the opportunity to stare at Your Face

On the day when there is no other shade other than Yours

Allaahumma ameen

bismillaah

Got Jealousy? Well, you wont be able to enjoy the rest of your life!

~modified from Sh. Navaid Aziz.

-Ask Allaah to increase His blessings on that person whom you are jealous with, and grant you with even greater blessings.

-Recognize the numerous blessings that Allaah has bestowed upon you, and be thankful. May Allaah increase His blessings on you.

bismillaah

if we refuse to learn/malas nak ambil tahu deeper about the deen, just to make our lives simple...arent we arrogant?

bismillaah

my oh my
it is too hard battling with oneself
to push harder and move forward
i am putting mountains of excuses all around me

trying hard to find my way
to gain the momentum and drive to push me all the way
the road ahead just seem so blurry and uncertain
I am not sure if my heart is there

what i wanna do and what i have to do
sometimes they just dont go together
how i wish i were strong
how i wish i were firm
to face and brave the wind

O Allaah please show me the way
Guide me to the way that pleases you the most
The way of happiness and serenity
Full of happiness straight into your garden of eternity

bismillaah

semalam sihat, hari ini sakit
semalam lapang, hari ini sibuk
semalam muda, hari ini tua sehari
semalam kaya, hari ini duit habis
semalam hidup, hari ini mati

nah,
kan telah dipesan untuk menggunakan sebaik-baiknya 5 peluang sebelum datangnya 5 keadaan selepas itu?
masihkah kita alpa?